Is loneliness going to ever go away?

Dear All,
I am fairly new to this group and have only posted once before, though I have responded to others posts here recently . I feel needy and whiney and like I should be improving by now. My much loved husband of 47 years has been gone for 14 months now and my grief is getting worse, not better. I don’t know if its the Covid situation and I’m definitely finding this second lockdown SO much harder than the first, but I still just want to die and be with him. This is very selfish as I have 3 grownup children and six grandchildren who are still heavily grieving their adored Dad and Grandad. We married at 18 (me) and 19 (him) and I absolutely hate being alone with no one in our house now, though his working life often took him away for up to 3 weeks at a time. I was fine with that as I always knew he would be home at some point. He’s never coming home again and I don’t want to live alone anymore… I miss his warmth and his banter, his love and his warmth. How do we carry on without the love of our lives? It’s the lack of conversation and company in the evenings I am finding the hardest.