Hi Everyone, my husband passed away 13 months ago and this site has really helped me, I know I will miss and love my husband forever and that will never change but I thought I was doing a bit better, but this last 4 weeks I feel so sad and low I feel like I have gone backwards I miss him so much it hurts, I go to work and manage to hide my feelings but as soon as I get home I cry and I hadn’t done that for a while, anyone else like this xx
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Marie, I lost my wife a year ago tomorrow, My grief comes in waves, I am lucky there is a Bereavement Cafe in my village that meets once a month, ironically it is run by a couple who are retired undertakers. It met today and I am feeling better because of it. Hopefully you will have an up wave soon, I find that something triggers it, a happy memory of something that maybe made her laugh, I found an outrageous birthday card that was from her the other day, made me smile at the memory.
I hope you have something to make you smile soon. Come back for a chat if you feel like it, as you know here we all understand what it is like.
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Hi, I’m 2 years and 2 months into this life change. Year 2 for me was very up and down, there were a lot of realisations in year 2, less shock, so a lot more clarity of what life is now, what I’ve lost and the reality of what I’m left with.
It’s not all negative as there are a lot of positives thrown in too but by far year 2 is hard.
Understanding that grief will always be with you, bigger gaps inbetween each wave but you can still be floored by it. The missing them never goes but you start to form a new life around the loss. Grief is just there, everything you do is touched by it, life is bitter sweet. Happy and sad run along side each other.
But life goes on and it is what we make it. Grief sucks, in so many ways but life goes on and you have to make the most of it.
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Thank you, i am sorry for your loss too the cafe sounds like a good idea
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Thank you, i think your right re grief in waves i feel a bit better today and i realise life has to go on its just so hard some days,
This site definitely helos everyone is so nice and understanding, take care
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Hello Marie10.
my year 3 was no better than year 2 but I have made new friends and we meet several times a week in the local park, dogs included. We also go for a long walk once a week. I am the one without a dog. My last cat Tammy does not like going for walks but the mother cat did. (Maine Coon cats.)
Take care.
Nick
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Hi Marie 10
Yes Marie I’m the same. I’ve literally passed the 2 year date for my partner passing. It seems like the first year I was in some kind of shock. I knew he’d passed but still kept expecting him to walk through the door with come funny comment or to of brought me lunch from town. It’s been so weirdly horrible. The second year has been different but with some added anger which is not like me normally. I’ve been annoyed at friends who haven’t bothered with me at all and annoyed at why a good man was taken too soon. I plough through the anniversaries and hate the build up to them. I spent my first Christmas alone and he loved Christmas so much. What I will say is he told me he wanted me to live a long and full life. I hold on to that as I feel I’d be doing him a disservice. I try to look for the good things. The small enjoyments. I know life will never be the same. It’s been turned upside down but I am determined to keep finding happy moments. To hope that life will perk up. To keep remembering the good times we had. I still cry often and at other times I smile and burst out laughing when I remember the funny and affectionate times. I hope it doesn’t sound odd but his love still keeps me going. I fight on, we find a way to pull on our inner strength.
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All of this is so true. I love how they still have such an influence on us and give us purpose in such difficult times.
I am struggling a lot with anger at the moment and constantly feel in conflict with my thoughts and feelings. I have to remind myself and be reminded that 2 years is not that long and everything in feeling is justified, acceptable and i will get through it.
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Hi Ali29
Yes I feel the same and you’re right 2 years isn’t long. It’s 2 years and a couple of days since my partner passed. I struggle with anger and finding myself going around as if sucking lemons. I even rehearse what I’d like to say to fake friends. I hold my head up high because I’m better than that and proud that I’ve managed although it’s been unbearable. One friend told my relative she thought I’d become a recluse because she hadn’t seen me. Obviously she didn’t think to pick up the phone or txt me. I’ve cut the dead weight out of my life even though it’s been hurtful and it’s taken a long time for the penny to drop. I’d rather have no one then hope for crumbs now.
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Thank you to you all for sharing the way you feel with me at least i know i am not alone, one day at a time for us all, Take Care xx
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Hi Marie10 I tell myself one day at a time and keep breathing. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one going through this but then I come here and realise I’m feeling the same way as many others. At least here everyone understands eachother and cares xxx
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I definitely felt that the second year was a lot harder in many ways. I think the first year having so much to sort out and organise that most of it is spent in a sort of haze. People still seemed to want to help and talk to me in the first year, but now over 2 years on most of them seem to have abandoned me. When I do go out people say “everyone has been wondering where you’ve been and if you’re alright”! Well if they were that concerned wouldn’t they have got in touch? It’s so very different now and I suppose it’s that realisation that “this is it” which makes it difficult at times. I do have ups as well as downs and have learnt to accept that this is normal. Well, less nattering as ironing beckons! Gail xx
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There is no time limit on grief. We go backwards and forwards. Anniversaries, memories songs, places we have been together. Anything which reminds us. We all feel the same. I lost my husband last May. It would have been our 44th wedding anniversary on Saturday. I was very sad the whole weekend. It helps when I keep myself busy and see friends. We all feel the same on this site. Wishing you all good things.
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