I havnt been on here for a few weeks as i have been in a strange place. Ive been very reflective, drinking too much. Not getting dressed or even bothering to shower every day. I feel like im going backwards. I think the reality has set in. I feel like i have been strong for so long now. I just really miss Mike. Theres so much i need to tell him.
His kids are getting more evil over money (he didn’t do a will) his eldest Daughter has now accused me of brainwashing him to not make a will. And also she thinks as i knew he had kidney disease i am responsible for not stopping him drinking. An impossible task and also he didn’t die of kidney disease or alcohol. Apparently i was just happily waiting for him to die and the reason ive distanced myself from them now (we were all close) is because its easier for me to take the money and not have to see them. They cant see that the reason i have distanced myself is their horrible txts that started coming the day after their Dad died. I feel like ive lost 3 people. My soulmate and his 2 eldest. I still get on with his youngest Daughter.
I am not taking what im entitled to and told them i would make it fair from the beginning but they chose to ignore this.
They are trying to turn mutual friends against me. Fortunately i have the backing of Mikes Nephew and also his Dads girlfriend. They know im not a money grabber. But it has all been too much.
My Daughter dragged me to a Salsa class this week and i really enjoyed it. For that hour i was able to switch off. It was just when i got home i thought ah i can tell Mike. But he wasnt there. Another lonely night. Another lonely day.
I have 2 kittens which are my lifeline. My Son bought me them after Mike died. They went to the vets to be neutered yesterday and i was so worried waiting until they phoned 5 hours later to say they were ok. I burst into tears.
People must think im mad. Im just not the same nor ever will be.
I really think my life ended when Mike died and im just a shell now pretending to move on.
I know im not depressed just very very sad.
Does it get better when you are a year or so down the line?
Hi @JaneD this is my first post on here. It’s two and a half years since my beloved husband died. Some days are a lot better than others. Grief goes in waves. My 2 step kids were also difficult at first but it has got better with them. In terms of the will I reminded myself that when my Dad died he left everything to my mum. That’s common. My husband’s will left everything to me. At first it felt like I had a switch in my head - when something nice or interesting happened, I thouggt I must tell my husband. Then I would realise he is not here to tell. The switch has gradually turned off but sometimes it switches on again. Take it gently with yourself. Do your best. It’s the worst thing to go through. My relationship with his kids has really improved since I started helping them with their grandparents. Healing has come. So i would say there is hope. X
NatureGirl
Thank you so much for your post. Tell me did you give your step kids money (dont reply if thats too personal sorry)
I have figures swimming around my head. What to give what i need to keep. I work part time though have been signed off since it happened end Oct.
Its so nice to hear that you are a bit stronger and that things are a little easier with your step kids now.
X
Hi Jane
my wife passed 4 weeks ago, we’ed been married 3 years, 3 moths 7 and a half days. for the last 5 years since we’ed met we have been looking after Izzy’s parents whom both had dementia. we moved in with them 4 years ago, so we were there 24/7. when we met her eldest son took himself off with his girlfriend and kids, simply because he felt threatened by me as the new head of the family, he couldn’t see that I just loved his mum. Izzy’s youngest son welcomed me with open arms, Izzy left their dad 20 years prior as he used to beat her up. Even Izzy’s sister pulled back and even evicted us from the house that she owned, simply because we were moving into her parents house.
I have financial Power Of Attorney of Izzy’s parents, her father removed her sister from POA as he didn’t trust her with his money. I also am the only surviving trustee of
Izzy’s parents will. The day Izzy passed I told Her eldest that she had passed, he demanded that I find photos of his childhood and that he would be at the house the next day, I asked him to give me some time to look but he arrived anyway, his younger brother was here at the time and within 2 minuets the eldest wanted to know what was happening to the house.
maybe you should get a solicitors advise.
Money will bring out the worst in people but its not really the money that’s an excuse its the fact that they are lost too as you are, your their punch bag. just ignore the bad texts just try and reply with something like " this has been a tough few months for all of us the last thing your dad would want is for us to be at logger heads, do you both fancy going for lunch" that way your in a neutral zone and they are less likely to argue or maybe all three girls so you have backup. but don’t mention money. remember you have to live . They I assume have jobs and income.
stay safe, stay calm and get in that shower. Be proud you were Mikes soulmate.