My wife of nearly 60 years died in June. She had a slow decline with dementia then accelerated after a stroke. Her last week was at home in a hospital bed. She passed away peacefully in her sleep with me in a bed nearby. She had a funeral service packed with our three children, grandchildren, other relatives and many friends. Her wake was a joyful and reflective occasion. Given that I had to lose her, it was all as good as it could be. That was a weekago and I’m doing everything I’ve been advised to do.
But I an so worried that I can’t picture or feel her presence with me here in the house. I can look at so many photos, can see her clothes, her books, everything. But I just can’t put in my mind the things we talked about or picture her sitting in her chair or having a cuddle in bed. She’s gone. This doesn’t feel right. What’s wrong with me? How can I create some better memories of her?
I am so sorry that you have lost your wife and find yourself here.
Please don’t worry about how you are feeling at the moment. You are probably still in shock and I found initially that I was really just quite numb a lot of the time, feeling weird and like it wasn’t all quite real. I think your mind shuts out part of your emotions just to protect us from the huge grief that we feel.
Give yourself time and space, get lots of rest and try eat as well as you can. The memories of her will come eventually but I don’t think they can be forced. You are just exactly where you are meant to be at the moment. I’m sure others will be able to reassure you on here as well. Keep checking in here - it can be a great source of comfort and support when you need it xxx
So very sorry.
As @roni52 has written you are almost certainly in shock.
The time after the funeral is a very sad and bewildering time.
Please try not to pressure yourself into remembering or feel guilty about how you are at present. It is a reaction to your loss that happens to many.
Take care,
Rose
Hi TopFace so sorry for your loss. it is such early days for you and everything is raw. I am 11 weeks in and whilst I can picture my beloved partner clearly, I do not feel his presence. I read on here about so many people feeling a presence of their loved ones it upsets me that I don’t. I think Roni52 is right and our brains work in a way to protect us from this all consuming grief. Our bodies and brains are overwhelmed at the moment with so many thoughts we just need to take things hour before hour. Keep posting. It’s been a lifeline for me. Take care xx
Thank you everyone, both public and private, for your help. Things are coming back to me slowly. But I’ve got to hope that since it’s starting with the bad times it will then go back to the good times, of which there are many many years