It has been said to me recently that it is time I should find some happiness and not isolate myself. I feel really angry when people say this. I lost my daughter 18 months ago. It feels like only yesterday. I do not choose to be unhappy but it seems accepting I cannot feel happy makes life bit easier. But when people say I should put the grief away while I live my life is ludicrous. I feel the pain every day and do make an effort to work, it is unfair to suggest I choose this life. What do you think? Does anybody identify
Oh Moggles how dare people tell you how to grieve for your precious daughter? Of course you don’t choose to be unhappy but how else would you expect to feel?
Losing a child is often quoted as being the most stressful thing in the world. It certainly feels like the saddest doesn’t it?
I do believe we will survive losing our children and if other people’s experiences are anything to go by we will hopefully eventually manage to live forward. I dont think we will get over it but I hope we will again feel joy sometimes, with our children in our hearts.
I understand when you say it is easier to accept feeling sad. Perhaps we feel this because we just are sad and accepting it is less painful than fighting it. Is it also possible that the sadness makes us feel we are still connected to our children?
I for one am going to take as long as I need until I partake in things that I don’t want to do right now. It is my grief and only I know how I feel. I know it has changed me. People frequently tell us to be kind to ourselves. Well what does that mean? Putting yourself in any position with which you don’t feel ready is not going to help and is not kind. It is others that are uncomfortable with us carrying our grief. They want to fix it but they can’t. In our own time we will get to the best place we can be, by our own efforts, and in our own time.
Sending you hugs. X
2 Likes
I really can not add anything to Matella’s reply as I completely agree with her sentiments and supportive words and could not have put it better. Unfortunately people do say things that are unhelpful but they can not understand what you are going through. Losing a child causes unbearable pain and a feeling of overwhelming loss. You do what is right for you and grieve how you want. No one can tell you how to do that. I lost my son recently and I can’t see how life can ever be joyful again but I shall take one day at a time as no doubt you do as that is all we can do. Sending you a hug x
So sorry you have lost your son. It is so painful and so mo the right order of things isn’t it?
A day at a time is the one cliche i think has a sound backing. The days keep coming ‘ready or not’ and we have to get through them. We have no choice. Sometimes when the grief becomes unbearable and i am all cried out i tell myself that i have the rest of my life to grieve, and i have to be here, so I will do it my way. Then I tell my daughter to tuck herself in my heart while I take a break. I find it almost impossible to relax but this does work sometimes.
With love xxxx
Thank you for your replies as they really do ease this vast and empty space of my life xxx
So sorry you feel exactly the same. My sisters think I should be finding ways to move forward but how can we? Its an eternal pain that sinks into the very soul.
Bless you xx