Is this all normal

First time I’ve been on anything like this and not really sure what to put
I lost my mum just before Christmas to terminal cancer after diagnosed last March, I cared for her full time and was with her when she passed away. I was always close to mum but our relationship strengthened after my dad suddenly passed 4 years previous. I’m really struggling to deal with all the loss. My emotions go from overwhelming sadness to strong anger and I really don’t like the person I’ve become because of everything.
I have great friends but they’ve never experienced loss and I feel like broken record.
Is there any sites,books,tools anyone can suggest please? Thankyou

1 Like

Dear Mandmoo,
Sorry you have to be on this site, but I am glad you have found us. You asked about books and things to help you cope. Well, I, personally have no answer to that, but until someone gives you some ideas, just talk to us and we will do what we can. Just had a thought, someone did mention a book on Amazon called something like ‘till death do us part’ and that’s supposed to be helpful. I am sure someone will come up with something so don’t give up. You aren’t on your own.
Hugs, Ann x

Hi. So sorry for your the loss of your Mum. It’s hard. I want to jump in and support you here. Those emotions … what you are experiencing is normal for grief. Since my mum passed 8 months ago I’ve gone through every emotion there is. Like you, overwhelming sadness, raging anger, and swings from good one day and a wreck the next. You’ve not ‘become’ anything I assure you. Accept what’s happening with absolute kindness to yourself.
I heard that the book “The Grief Survival Guide” by Jeff Brazier is good.
Take care. x

Dear @Mandmoo, im so sorry for your loss. My husband passed in June last year and I found Tom Zuba, look him up, he is a wonderful life coach who has dealt with severe grief himself. He has written 2 books, Permission to Grieve and Becoming Radiant, he does facebook live shows and I have found he has helped me enormously with my grief. The books are not expensive and you can buy then at Amazon. I also found a physic medium by the name of Matt Fraser, he is quite amazing too. Take care, i hope you too find some comfort. Regards Margarita

Thankyou so much for your kind words AnnR x
I think just knowing it’s normal and ok to feel everything I’m feeling is an ease on my mind.
I’ve tried to reach out to my friends but they don’t know and tell me I’m the tough one and “look” good, not sure what they think grieve looks like but I gave up talking and reverted back to the yeah I’m ok stage.
Thankyou again for your message x

1 Like

Thankyou so much I’ll have a look for the books my way of dealing with past loss has been to bury it and throw myself into work but I’ve hit a brick wall recently
Thankyou and I hope you are well xx

Thankyou it’s nice to hear it’s normal, I’m so sorry for your loss too and hope each day is kind to you.
I feel like my personality has changed and my outlook too which I really don’t like and I’m struggling to find me again.
I will look at the books Thankyou I appreciate it xx


Since my mum died a few months ago, I’ve been trying really hard to not ‘sugar coat’ my feelings from my friends and 1) when they ask how I am, to be really honest and 2) when no-one asks on a day when I’m really struggling, to just reach out to someone.

It can be quite scary to be honest, I think people tend to think of me as a ‘strong’ person too and it’s hard to express how I feel. One thing I have found is that I can now easily divide friends into 2 categories - the ones that have been there for me in whatever way they can (even if from a distance, etc.) and the ones that haven’t.

@Mandmoo I hope you can find even one person to reach out to and let them know how you’re really feeling. The relief can be huge, and anyone who truly cares will listen to you even if they don’t understand your grief from their own experience.

Edit: I know not everyone is in a financial position to pay for counselling but I am doing Zoom counselling sessions, which are helpful, and reading a book called ‘When Parents Die’ - a lot of it is about children and young people wholes a parent but much of it is just generally helpful in terms of grieving a parent.