My elderly sister age 86, eleven years older than , me died in her sleep three days ago. Due to years of lack of physical self care , she used a walker, was in poor condition. It could be frustrating as for many years, before this decline, there were things she could do but would not. Keep track of bills, pick up after herself, take care of her cat. The past two years my partner and I moved her closer to us, saw her almost daily, took her out, did grocery shopping for her. It became difficult to know what part of her steady decline was related to aging and what were “ just her”. I loved my sister but those long time frustrations with her also existed. The last day we went out for coffee with her, I was pretty frustrated when she, once again, said she would do something that I knew she would never follow through on. I told her that if she was going to do it, she would have done it already. It was not a big fight, but also not a great mood. We then dropped her off at her apartment. We usually see her every other day and so two days later we called several times, no answer. We went to her apartment and found her lying in bed. She did not look in distress, she was in a peaceful sleeping position. I feel very sad, but also,guilty as tne last image I have is my 86 year old sister , pushing her walker along sidewalk to her apartment and I know she felt bad about our last interaction. In addition, she never recovered from my brothers death two years ago. He had cancer. He was two years older than me and was a major source of comfort and care for her.
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Hello @Mrh78112,
Thank you for so bravely reaching out to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It sounds like you are feeling both sad and guilty, which is completely understandable.
You are not alone. We have many members who have experienced the loss of a sibling and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read conversations our members have shared on our Losing a sibling category page.
You may also find it helpful to read our Losing a sibling page on our website. It talks you through some of what you might be feeling, and how to cope.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care 
Alex