Is this my life now

I thought I was getting there, more good days than bad lately. But when the bad days come back, it’s double of feeling the lost, wondering around, my heart and chest hurts, just like the day he died, you think your ok, but your not. It will be 8 months tomorrow. I just don’t know how to stop this pain.

Hi Deefano 1. Please don’t give up. With a positive attitude and positive steps, things can improve substantially. They have for me. We are all different, but now, after 6 months since Penny died, I’ve now got my “new” life to be good. Different, but still good, and well worth living. Still sad, of course, and the (now) rare tear, but life is far improved.
It’s your thoughts crippling you, I’d suggest, where we continually dig out thoughts from our past which create our bad emotions, live them again, and again, etc.

There is a way to stop these thoughts, essentially rewiring our brains so our subconcious doesn’t do it for us without us knowing. It has learned to do this without asking you, the same as it does many things for us, such as driving the car, peeling an onion, playing a guitar. It’s often called our muscle memory.

Now, I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve been helped by one, in my case a hypnotherapist.

On this site, there is an article supplied by Sue Ryder, so it’s not something I just dreamt up, which explains it. I hope it helps. But don’t give up!!!

Rewiring the Brain in Grief | Psychology Today United Kingdom

PS everyone should have a plan, without it nothing changes. If you wish, I can expand on that part!

1 Like

Hi tykey
The article Rewiring the Brain in Grief is excellent and very true. I am three years along and I can honestly say that every word resonated with me. I have been through these emotions. I have been using these methods to help myself so I have been doing something right.
All newly grieving members should read this article.
I will just add that I think there is fear of the unknown when it comes to dreading anniversaries or coping with things that we connect to our loved ones. Facing up to these fears can help. If things are to change for us then we have to make it happen.
Many thanks