Is this normal??

Coping with bereavement
1

I’ve lost three people in the space of 9 months: my Mum in August 2025, my Dad January 2026, and my partner last week….

And I’ve still not cried. I’ve still felt sadness, anger mostly, but because I was doing the caretaking for all three (all had terminal illnesses), doing the logistics, admin, phone calls, appointments, errands, then when parents passed, the death admin, probate, I’ve been “too busy” to feel any emotions.

Plus dealing with the trauma of watching all three lose their independence, go through the dying stages, and with my parents, witness them take their last breath (my partner had his son with him for that moment)

Everyone else has gone through the crying and grief, because they had the space and time to reflect on the losses and miss them. I felt like I had to put my feelings aside to comfort other grieving family and friends of my parents. And focus on practicalities and the endless NHS stuff.

With my partners kids and family, even more so, as I don’t want to make it all about me, we were only together for over 2 years and its their father, so I had to be the decisive and organised adult in the room. More practicalities and endless NHS stuff.

So I’ve been stuck on game face for well over a year!

When my Mum passed, I felt just empty. When my Dad passed, I felt numb, and also had flu that lasted 3 weeks. Now my partner passed, I feel frozen.

I feel hardened to life now, a step up from being “resilient and in crisis mode”. I’m not feeling anything!!!

Except for really sleepy. My fitbit is showing the sleep hours creep up and up and up.

Has anyone else felt this emotional hardness? Does it dissipate in time?

2 Likes
2

Or maybe its a generational thing as well?

I’m an 80s kid, and that time we were always told to be tough, don’t show emotions, life is not fair so deal with it, and that if you can’t handle minor things, how on earth can you deal with the major big life stuff.

No safe spaces or trigger warnings for our generation! We didn’t even have basic health and safety (if you remember the Witches Hat in parks, broken teeth and bones were a regular occurrence!)

2 Likes
3

Hi Plutorising, I’m older than you, when I was a kid at seven I would hitch into town and play on railway lines but I have cried all my life even watching films. Some people are just not the crying type. Which doesn’t mean you don’t need help. You have been through a lot in your life and some experience can build barriers which don’t allow your pain out. You like Asian culture and there are somatic therapies using a mixture of massage and yoga moves to release emotions which might be up your street. Of course a good therapist would be easier. I hope you find some peace and time to heal. You have done a lot for other people and now it’s time to look after yourself.
Wishing you all the strength you need
Tom

:hugs: :hugs:

:people_hugging: :people_hugging:

3 Likes
4

Thank you @Brandon1

I spoke to a few people, and my therapist today, and they all say the same things: I need to recover from the burnout first, then deal with the trauma of witnessing loved ones dying, then I can finally grieve them. And not to worry about letting it all out, it may come naturally in 1 year, 2 years, maybe even 10 years down the line

Interesting, after admitting all this, had some unusual signs today, so maybe something got released.

A man outside the shop was wearing a t-shirt that read, “DAD - the myth, the legend” …. Only 10 minutes later …. a car drove past, and the car registration number had my own initials and “MUM” on it!

What are the odds! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Also, last Spring 2025, me and my partner did some gardening and put seeds, most didn’t grow, and some did randomly.

For the past few days, I noticed an odd shrub, which I thought was an every day weed. Woke up this morning to find it bloomed literally overnight into a beautiful tall pink flower in the garden - an Opium Poppy flower!

We didn’t even plant those! I feel it was him telling me he’d reached home and was happy :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: He himself was a tall fellow too

1 Like
5

That makes so much sense too, thanks for sharing that, I will keep that in mind.

1 Like