Hi there, it’s been 6 weeks since my partner took his own life. He was 47. For the first 5 weeks I fell apart, cried, screamed, begged for it not be true. I hardly even got out of bed, completely stopped functioning! I had already been signed off work with stress and depression because of the situation we had been in for a while. (I posted about that a few weeks ago)
For the past few days however, I feel like I’ve shutdown emotionally. I feel empty, numb, like my soul has died, like a robot. I almost feel like it’s all a dream, even our relationship… like none of it is real! Last night in bed I felt this wave of panic when the visions of his last moments came to me but I had to block it out quick because I felt like I might lose control. Has this happened to anyone else? I have counselling in the pipelines for about 4 weeks time but part of me doesn’t want to go because I’m scared to feel
It all again!
So sorry for your loss i lost my husband just over 4 months ago and i feel so lost and so alone i find it hard getting out of bed in the morning i think whats the point i am only going to be on my own i have cried been angry at the being i thought i saw my husband sitting on the bottom of my bed and went to talk to him and them it hit me he was not there i am waiting for counselling and feel worried about it as it will bring it all back about the night i lost my husband
Hi @Helen74, thought i hadvto reply. Lost my wife aged 54 just over 8wks ago. I just take each day as it comes. At the moment I even sometimes think our relationship was just a dream- did we have a great holiday in Lanzarote last October- the photos show we did- thats the effect grief has on us . I am so sensitive to my emotions and cry easily, but it helps talking with family. Take care
To be honest @Helen74 ANYTHING is normal. A wise friend told me that ‘whatever you are feeling is exactly what you should be feeling.’ There is no right and wrong in this whole mess of grief.
I have days I seem fine, which then make me feel guilty, as if I didn’t love him enough. Then I have times, even after nearly 11 months, when I can’t stop crying. They happen less frequently but still do and I absolutely KNOW I loved him. My daughter said one day she had never seen a couple so happy together, which was lovely but - yes, you’ve guessed it - made me cry.
Just take what each days brings and be kind to yourself.
Love
Karen xxx
