My father died almost 3 months ago and I still haven’t cried. His death at 94 was expected as he’d had a massive stroke. I coped with his funeral and my brother and I have cleared out his house and it will be ready for sale soon. His solicitor has applied for probate so that’s all sorted. My mother died nine years ago.
My problem is that I feel that I’m coping too well apart from feeling that my MIL is dominating our lives and I resent the time that my husband spends ferrying her around to see my FIL who is in a specialist dementia nursing home. My MIL doesn’t understand dementia and we wonder if she has early dementia too.
I feel that if I could just cry and grieve I might feel better and less resentful. Does that make sense? Does anyone have any advice please?
Hello Annierich, and a warm welcome to our Online Community. I want to reassure you that It’s quite alright not to shed tears following your dear father’s death. As you say, it didn’t come as a shock to you, so I expect you were starting your grieving for him before he died, once he’d had the stroke.
Everyone reacts differently following the loss of a loved one, so I really don’t want you to worry about your mixed emotions at the moment.
I think now that both your parents have died, it is bound to be difficult for you to see your husband spending a lot of time supporting his own parents. Give yourself time to adjust to what has happened recently, and please try and talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. With kind regards, Jackie
Hi. I think with it being expected and him being so old it can be that you will deal with it differently. I don’t know how long he had after his stroke but even before you must have been rather anticipating it. I do remember my friend saying he grieved for his mother when she became ill. I certainly never saw him distressed when she actually died. But I can see that actually allowing yourself to grieve could help in the long run. Do you have someone you can talk it through with? It seems your husband is very caught up with his parents and maybe you can’t talk to him too well at the moment, but what about a friend, a counsellor, a support group? If you could talk it out, maybe look through some old photos or bring up some memories, maybe that would open the floodgates? Trish
What’s normal? I’m beginning to appreciate that what’s normal for me isn’t necessarily what’s normal for others! Hugs! x
Hello I didn’t cry re my Grandad dying many years ago until at least 6 months. I recently lost my partner and have cried more from the start.