Is this normal?

As I dont have family I went to a hotel for xmas luckily there was a coach party and I sat with them at the table etc. However as soon as I got home the tears broke out again-its a year and 4 months since he died and I just cant anything now although I put on a brace front so as not to spoil other peoples xmas but I just dont know what to do where to go -unless people like us have been through it people really dont know what its like-I am really lost

Hello, Kris. I know exactly how you feel. I am lucky to have family but although I went to them for both days, here I am back in my lonely flat again, missing my husband, who died this June, and wishing I could be with him. I tried to be brave because of my young great-Grandchildren, but all I could think of was my husband and how it used to be. I am totally lost and, like you don’t know where to go from here. Hopefully, I am near the top of the waiting list for Cruse counselling, and pinning my hopes on them being to help me sort myself out. I do hope that the new year is kind to you, and all the rest of us who are suffering this devastating sadness. Warm regards. Eileen xx

Hi, and thanks for your message. I can understand your feeling moody and exhausted, I felt exactly the same, but it is beginning to ease a little after a couple of months Yes, Christmas is a difficult time so soon after a bereavement. Thank goodness it is over for another year! I’m pretty much taking each day as it comes, really. I’ve had some support from the local Carers’ Centre - it’s helpful to talk to people who know what being a carer is all about, as not everyone does. 41 years is a long time to have cared for someone, so no wonder you miss your mum so badly, and feel reluctant to let go. I’ve bought some photo frames. eg. heart shape and multi-frames I can hang up to display photos from mum’s album, including some from my childhood, such as childhood holiday snaps, to keep that special bond with mum a part of my day to day life.Tthis is a comfort to me.

Hi I lost my wife in October the pain is unbearable I went to friends for Christmas dinner on the surface things were OK but I felt out of it as everybody there were friends of me and my wife then I went across to them again yesterday but didn’t stay long same again I felt a bit out of it . But today has been awful I’m back to the is it worth it mood this sounds very wimpy but I have been in tears loads of times today I also have no imediate family

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Sorry to hear this John I dont have any family either so I know its hard-people say time is a great healer but I havent found it so yet I am hoping it will

Hope you can find some comfort with your friends.

I’m sorry to read about your sadness, John, but there is nothing wimpish about a man crying over the loss of his wife. I also have had a bad day today after visiting family for the last two days. When I was dropped off at my flat yesterday, I experienced a feeling of total desolation and so wanted my husband who died in June. Today I have done very little except sit on the settee watching rubbish on TV just for the company. My greatest wish is that we will all start to feel a bit better when spring arrives, with longer days and warmer weather. I doubt though if anything will help with the intense loneliness we are all going through. Warm regards. Eileen

My 1st christmas 9 months since my fiance passed … I’ve felt like its been a similar to the funeral although not so raw but the build up to it Christmas its all work and getting ready for the day … after reading some these i am fortunate to have family but christmas and boxing day keeping busy but like after the funeral everyone gets back to work and its all done just sitting here missing that not talking through the last few days and you can have all the friends and family in the world its not the same … I also went to join a widows dating website and then realised It was just lonelyness just stupid I lost my best friend and I just wanted that closeness back so badly …

I lost my darling wife Anne on the 26th of January this year. For Anne it was very quick with her being OK just before Christmas, she only got just under two weeks from diagnoses till she very sadly passed at home in bed from Metastasis liver cancer. I have written the full story on another thread here. To return to the OP (Trevor) post, I actually understand his feelings. Without going into any details as I think its inappropriate for this forum we had a very close relationship, we were soulmates, friends and had a very good and fulfilled sex life, just the way a loving couple should be. I miss every aspect of our lives we had together. Being alone during the evening and at bedtime is pretty grim, thoughts invade your mind, TV is rubbish and inevitably the laptop comes out. I look on here, I look at my car and vintage radio forums, the news and read E-mails but the evening is till empty. So being honest I have looked at dating sites in the last few days. Why I ask, do I really want another relationship, a one night stand or what? I then realise no, I just need some company and I’d give anything for my Anne to be sitting in her favourite chair. Anne made it clear to me before passing “you are a lovely loving person and don’t go through the rest of your life alone… promise me that”. Being fair those words are hard to take in or comply with as I could never see myself loving another woman like I did with Anne. Yes some female company would be nice but never to replace Anne or to give the same love to. So it would not be fair on that person to not get the best from me nor for me to accept her as a substitute for Anne. Perhaps the sex side might be nice but that is no substitute for a proper loving relationship.

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