Is this normal?

I lost my Mum almost 3 weeks ago. It was completely unexpected as she was not unwell and she was only 63. I wasn’t there when she passed away but my poor Dad had to do CPR. I am really struggling to deal with the shock of her death. I feel like a Zombie, just going through the motions of life, but my mind is not really here. None of this feels real and I find myself reminding myself that Mum is no longer here, its like my brain is telling me shes just in another room, that she’s coming back. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare that I’ll wake up from but if course I never do. It feels like groundhog day every day. Mornings and evenings are definitely the worst times for me. I think im traumatised by the phone call I received from my Dad at 4am on the day she passed and I replay this conversation in my mind constantly. I keep having flashbacks of what he had to go through trying to save her even though I wasn’t there at the time. I’m so worried about my Dad. He loved her so much and I know he feels guilty for not being able to save her. I just dont know what we will do without her. Is all of what I’m experiencing normal within the grieving process or should i be considering getting counselling?

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful mum. Its early days for you so its all raw at the moment and your going through the grieving process. You’ll feel guilty, angry, lost all these are normal reactions when we loss a loved one just take each day as it comes and dont beat yourself there to support your dad he needs you and you need him. If you think counselling could help see your doc as the waiting list is very long took me 6 months to see one. Sending hugs to you and your dad. :people_hugging: x

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Thanks so much for your reply. Its good to know that what im feeling is normal. Just cant see how this will get easier at the moment. I know people say it takes time.

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Absolutely normal, @Kirsty4 . It’s just a torrent of emotions, when we can’t manage all the thoughts at the same time.
All we can do in these early days is hang on as best we can, lean on friends and relatives (lean on each other).
Bit by bit it will ease over the next days,weeks and months, and as sure as eggs is eggs, your life will return to being worthwhile again, albeit different.

There is a famous saying(by a famous person, but I can’t remember who!). It’s “This too shall pass”

Try to be as positive as you can possibly be

PS I’ve googled that quote, and it was Abraham Lincoln, and he was a great man.

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Thanks so much for your lovely reply. This has given me some hope for the future.

Absolutely delighted to help
It’s just over two years since Penny died after being married for 50 years.
It took a few months before I sat down and considered what I wanted the next stage of my life to be like. I then, bit by bit I moved towards it. It’s taken time, but I’m now living my new life as designed.

The good news is that I’ve never left her behind, she’s always near. At the moment, I’m sat outside a pub, in this wonderful sunshine having lunch and a pint (with her two dogs under the table) thinking she’s near.
I’m smiling at the thought of her. If nobody is near, I chat to her.

In those early weeks, I could never have imagined life would be good again.

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This has given me so much comfort, thank you. I can feel my lovely Mum with us too. I hope in time I will come to terms with what happened and feel happiness when I look back at the times we spent together.

When I lost my mum I went through what you’re going through. To this day my mum leaving me doesn’t feel real that it’s just a terrible horrific nightmare but in all of it I’ve found a way to cope
Everything is so raw for you right now. If this helps try to look after yourself take time for yourself and more importantly keep hold of memories they are so precious.
That’s what I have done. I’ve even found a way to not let my grief control me I found an inner peace but what I never do is let my grief hurt me like it used to.
Sorry to hear of your loss


Thank you. It’s really helping to know that what I’m experiencing is normal. I am sorry for your loss too and I’m glad you’ve found a way to find peace again. I hope I will be able to do the same in time. You’re totally right, it is like living in a terrible nightmare at the moment.

Hey Kirsty
It takes time as grief has no time limit. Right now you have to think about you and when you’re ready to find that inner peace it’ll be ready for you.
It took me along time to reach the point I’m at my head was all over the place. I didn’t know who I was anymore I didn’t know which way to turn. I hated what my grief was doing to me tearing me up inside
Your probably having them feelings yourself and you may have noticed your not the person you used to be.
I changed the day I lost my mum and I’m still trying to work out who I am. I have pretty good idea
I hope you find your inner peace one day.
Just look after yourself

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