I lost my husband on the 22nd of June and I feel like I’m stopping myself from grieving. I can talk about him absolutely fine but I stop myself from thinking about him because if I don’t think about him it can’t be real and I stop myself from crying. It still doesn’t feel real even tho he’s gone and I know he will never be back, I don’t know whether I’m massively in denial, is this even normal ?
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Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly in April. I too have found that trying not to think about him keeps me from crying. The tears are always just below the surface. I think it is just a coping mechanism. It’s very hard to accept and like you, I still can’t take in that it’s happened.
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I think it’s just a coping tactic which we often need in order to get ourselves through this most awful time.
But I think we do need to grieve and feel all the pain, as horrendous as it is. Otherwise it will eventually start to spill out into our daily lives.
I struggle to find time on my own to grieve as I have kids at home, but am trying to find pockets when I can just let down those barriers and really feel the pain.
I often worry I won’t be able to get back out of my “pit of despair “ but so far I have always managed, and the extreme pain does pass so you can pull yourself back.
It’s just a rollercoaster of emotions that keep swinging round - sadness, despair, panic, anxiety, anger, yearning, numbness…… But everything is normal in this situation.
Personally I dont like when I’m numb - but there are times when I need a break and I think your body and mind will tell you when things aren’t working.
Sending love and strength. Xxx
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Jog76 - my husband died on September 24. I cried at his diagnosis, the day he died, the day before his funeral, and at his funeral. I haven’t cried since.
If I just take each day hour by hour, and stay busy I am okay. If I think about my husband, our lost future, the life I lost, my future without him, my skin gets hot and tingly and I feel as if I shall faint or fall into a puddle of tears. So, it is hour by hour for me.
I truly fear that if I let the emotions out, I may never pull myself back together.
It may be denial, it may be shock. I call it numb.
Yes, it is normal. Your brain is in survival mode.
Everyone says it gets easier, so I am depending on that to be true.
Much love.
I am the same. Can’t let the grief in too much at a time. Block it all out and every now and then it seeps through and I sob. Crying however produces endorphins and you feel better for it. Then back to the not thinking about it. Its why I avoid places I will see people because the ‘how are you’ seems to be a trigger for making me cry. I just hastily make some throw away comment and then turn the conversation to them.
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I lost my husdand on 4th June after caring for him for 2yrs at home.
The grief seems to be getting worse and sometimes i dont even realise i am crying.
This last week i feel panicky and short of breath. I am unable to sleep and have restless arms and legs.
My GP has given me citalopram.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I empathise with you all…its truly horrific
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