Is time a healer?

It’s been 18 months, yet if feels like yesterday since we found my father in law and realised he had passed away in the night at such a young age of 60.

There’s not a day that goes by where my chest does not physically hurt with the reminder of it. I feel awful because for my partner that pain is so much worse. It is all so much harder for him and I don’t know what to do to help him.

People say it will get easier and hurt less, but is that really true or do you just get used to missing them -those feelings are now a part of your every day life.

I try to hide my pain so I can support my partner with what he needs to grieve, as I know if I show how I really feel he will want to comfort me when it’s him that needs it. But in doing this I feel that he thinks I’m forgetting his Dad or ‘over’ what has happened. When that is furthest from the truth.

I speak to him every day, asking for a sign that he is ok and peaceful. Is that normal?

How do you get past not being able to say goodbye to a loved one. Not having that last conversation and knowing it would be the last so you can tell them how much you love them, that they were like the father you didn’t have, the best grandad and dad.

How can I support my partner more with his grieving process?

Hi, it’s difficult to know how people stop grieving, personally I don’t think I ever will but it becomes part of you or part of your life. Yes it’s easier than it was but it’s always there. What I think we do is make a special compartment with us to hide it from the outside world and it becomes our own and no one can touch it. I also think counselling helps, it doesn’t make it go away but gives you room to express those inner most feelings that you don’t want to discuss with your loved ones. It may help both of you and you can have free sessions with either Sue Ryder or Cruse to see if it helps. It’s been some time since your father-in-law left and although it never goes away life does become more normal. I would consider counselling even if you had some earlier. Grief is not nice and life with grief that continues to impact on life needs dealing with, so please think carefully about your future. S xx


Dear Hcon
Please don’t hide your grief from you partner show him your post so he can understand how you felt about his dad. I’m sure this will bring you closer together and you can grieve together .
Take care.

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