My partner of 35 years died suddenly just over six weeks ago. I am back at work and feel desperately sad every day but can’t connect him with how I am feeling. When I do get a moment of clarity, the pain is unbearable! I have been told that I won’t feel anything yet, had this happened to anyone else? Is this normal? Thanks.
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Dear Karren
So sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved partner suddenly 22 weeks ago today.
On reflection I think your feelings are normal. You will still be in shock. I remember at that time I was functioning, but it was like I was looking in on a world that I didn’t belong to anymore and nothing made any sense.
Keep posting on here. It’s a lifeline - everyone supports each other and you will find that however strange and unsettling your feelings are then someone else will be feeling the same. Take care xx
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Karen, my husband died 7 weeks ago tomorrow, it feels like I’m living my worst nightmare and it can’t be real, I still can’t believe this has happened, its crazy how can my husband be gone. I stop myself thinking about him because I can’t face the reality of never seeing him again. I’m so glad I found this site, we all understand each other’s feelings. Sending love and hugs to you x
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Thanks for your kind words. X
Thank you x
Karren,
I am sorry for your loss.
My wife died suddenly in June 24. At 56
We had 39 years together not nearly enough.
The first few weeks up to and including the funeral were all like I was in a trance, and still don’t know what actually occoured in those weeks.
I still find it difficult to understand what has happened and I too are desperately sad and don’t think I will fully recover but know I will eventually.
I think your thoughts are perfectly normal, this is grief until you suffer it you don’t know what to expect I think it’s different for all people some cry relentlessly like me others little or not at all.
All you can do is take things one day at a time and over time I think you will clarify in your mind your own thoughts regarding your partner.
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Sorry for your loss, I lost my husband of 40 years 3 months ago. I have had all sorts of emotions during that time. Grief is such an individual and indescribable thing. No two people feel it the same way, I have seen that with my family. Sometimes I feel guilty for not crying enough, other times I will spend an evening crying. I went to a local event with my grandchildren and felt guilty for being happy, other times wonderful things give me no pleasure. I am trying to plan ahead, things I like and know I will enjoy- but then I feel guilty that I have a future and he doesn’t! It’s a long and windy road ahead and I get consolation in knowing he would be really cross with me if I plunged into depression, so I feel like I am trying to get through the day and finding some pleasure ( a bar of chocolate, a nice cup of tea, a lovely bath, watch a good film on Netflix, spend time with my wonderful friends……etc) sending a hug, and I wish you all the best for the journey ahead of you x
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So sorry u are also going through this , its 5 weeks for me and i feel i am not really feeling, um functioning really well, which is weird and makes me feel guilty. I dread being hit with a massive wave of any emotions , im talking about going back to work as i dont know how sitting at home will help me, im so confused.
So it seems your not alone sending hugs
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Thank you Steve, for your kind words.
Hi Karen
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
I lost my wife on the 15.08.2024 of 26 years at the age of 44. I am not sure that there is a normal. I can say that I am on autopilot and would describe it as existing not living and if I could tell you what day it is I would be lucky. I have days were I don’t want to get out of bed and feel guilty smiling at funny reel on Instagram.The waves of emotions keep crashing over and I do fear or maybe want at times that I drown but we find a way to go. I don’t know if gets less raw and hurtful but I do know sharing on bad days with people who have experienced this awful process helps even if just to vent. All we can do is try and take care of ourselves and get to that next day.
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I totally agree Maverick1916 
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Hiya Karen I lost me wife 8 weeeks ago to cervical cancer I’m 38 I’m struggling the same I went back to work 2 weeks ago and I’m now off sick again. I can’t get out of bed most days have to because of kids my anxiety is thru the roof can’t even leave the house. I look at her ashes and feel guilt that it’s not me. Her family has almost abandoned me so Iv lost a wife and a family. I just found this group thru a Google search and I’d just like to say your not alone even tho like me you have probably never felt as lonely in your life
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@karren My grief feels like a rollercoaster most days. Some highs , lots of lows, terrifying at times and anxiety inducing . Trouble is I don’t have my partner riding it with me so all of it seems that much more intense.
Rubbish analogy, but I hope you get my meaning!
I’m 12 weeks since my husband died from cancer, he was 49.
I function because I have kids, dog and responsibilities, I’m on autopilot really. I’m sad all the time but I do keep living, some days better than others, some days not at all!
I’m not back to work yet, I just can’t face that yet. It’s such an effort trying to live with grief, it’s bloody exhausting too.
Don’t think I’m mad but
I bought my daughter (she’s 11) a book to help her understand her grief. It’s
**Micheal Rosen Sad Book **
Although it’s a child’s book it sums grief perfectly. How it looks/feels whilst you’re trying to live. It shows sadness has many faces , aspects but never goes completely after a loss of a loved one . .
The writer experienced the sudden death of his teenage son. It s very comforting , it’s kind of reassures me when I look at it, more often than my daughter seems to need too!
My 18 year old agreed with me that this should be an adult book too 
.
This is a wonderful group to help get through this pretty awful rollercoaster ride we’re on.
Love to you all, where ever you are in this crappy ride 
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Thank you x
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Sorry to hear your experience Stuart. I’m glad this group is helping you, as it is me.
Hiya Karen just joined thru a Google search I hope it helps me I feel like I’m crazy and no one knows how I feel apart
From you guys
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Hi Stuart
I am so sorry for you being in this horrible club.
Like you I get up because the kids and dogs need me.
It is strange I have never been keen on people and don’t make friends easily (I am autistic) and so wrongly didn’t think I would be lonely how wrong I was I have never felt so alone and strangely having people who understand this is good. I know you found this community on Google but another great support is called WAY (Widow and Young) there support alongside here has really helped me.
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