I lost my partner of 15 years and he absolutely loved the snow. Im devastated and feel so lonely. We had a rough last 4 months and i am wracked with guilt and self hatred. Dreading going back to work after my bereavment leave. Cant stand the thought of it and handling personalities I struggle with alone. Its hard to have such great support as I do but feel so utterly utterly aline.
Hello Lost and Lonely. I don’t know if you will check into the site again, but I’d just like to acknowledge your post and say how very sorry I am to read of what you are going through and your devastating loss. I lost my Husband to a Heart issue. He was 20 years older than me and we’d been married 15 years. It’s good you say you have support although I know you’ll. just be desperately hoping it’s all been a shocking mistake as I know I did. I understand how painful Guilt/Regret can be. I think where grief goes, guilt is never far behind, it’s horrendous and it’s pointless telling someone not to feel guilty because we just won’t be told will we. You say you have been together 15 years?, Maybe all those content and happy years would cancel out four unhappy months although I know by nature we always zone into the negative aspects. Please just keep going the best you can and I’m sending you compassionate thoughts. Please keep posting or private message if preferred.
Hello Tina, how lovely to wake this morning to your response. It meant a great deal to me. I do have support…but no one who really understands. I guess thats the nature of grief. I had a week in the ICU with my partner to say all I wanted… but im bereft. He has 2 sons but they are in New Zealand and the other moved to the USU this week taking his granchildren with them. I feel i have lost all links. My self confidence is shot. Its all very overwhelming. Just knowing someone took the time to respond and reply has brightened my day. I hope you check in again. I hope you enjoy your Sunday. Take care. And thanks. Jackie
Im sorry to hear that and I know how hard it is I dont have family and lost the TWO y dearest almost at the same time 18 months ago he was my companion my rock my best friend and now what??? I still am lonely I dont do much hardly go out its hard facing life isnt it hopefully in time we can all find life easier than we are now and good luck
Hello Jackie. Sorry for calling you “Lost and Lonely”. I think that was an autotype error. Thanks for your comments. It must be a comfort that you got to say what you needed with your Partner. My Husband had been sent home on End of Life care with “weeks” to live but in fact it was just a couple of hours so despite having 5 weeks in Hospital I thought I would use those weeks to say what I wanted - but they were snatched off me. My Husband survived 10 months after a massive heart attack but they weren’t good months. I spend a lot of time going over things in the run up to my loss and during the period just after. We had no children and I don’t have contact with his adult children, one of which is in Australia. You are right, it’s totally overwhelming and it’s not just the mind but the body that takes the full force. Hope today you get some settled moments. Tina
When you lose a partner that you have spent the most of your adult life with it is the loneliest feeling in the world. Will this ache deep inside never leave. Somedays it is so hard to go on .Trying to motivate oneself to do things is so hard.
No, Andycreader, I think the ache will always be with you. My husband died last June and we had been married for 66 years so you can imagine how empty my life is without him. Loneliness is, I believe, one of the worst feelings when you are grieving. I hate my life as it is now but nothing will bring him back to me so I must, like all of you, hope that in time we will feel better. All I want is to be with him again, and hopefully, at the age of 86, I will not have too many years alone. This forum helps so keep posting. Someone will always answer. Warmest regards. Eileen
Your post really summed up the way I have been feeling today. It’s Monday I really wanted to try harder this week but the day has gone by and my motivation has been non existent. We know we have to carry on but that little voice is not far away saying ‘why, what’s the point?’. This horrible flat feeling never seems to leave.
Hi Eileen and Yvonne That is the double whammy grieving and also feeling so lonely at the same time, and the person who could help you with all this pain is no longer there. Try to keep on keeping on
Hi. Yes. The awful awful thing about grief is the person you want to help you isnt there!!! I hate not having someone…its just so strange. My partner would have loved thus snow…he got so excited. I put his picture at the window to watch it. I cant find solace in anything at all. Everything is just so difficult. Just getting up. Im glad to read that other people find thus forum useful…and help to know we are not alone…despite how lonely we feel.
Hello Lost, yes I totally understand how you are feeling. I lost my beloved husband last May 2nd , we had been together for over 40years and feel my world has fallen apart. Unless people have gone through losing a husband, wife they truely do not understand how grief effects you. Some days will be better than others and you will find you will start to remember all the happy times you had together and not the sad times. Please continue to post on the forum as you will have many friends you will be there for you and understand the loneliness you feel. Take care of yourself.
Hello, sorry for your loss I really am. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and my biggest fear is losing him. 66 years is a massive achievement and he will certainly still be with you xx
Hi, I lost my wife and best friend of 45 years last October due to a misdiagnosis from a so called specialist. If she’d had treatment at the time she first requested it, she’d still be alive today.
And I feel the guilt. I was her husband, I was supposed to take care of her but I failed. In reality, I know I am not to blame. A specialist and the hospital couldn’t save her but I still feel I should have been able to do something. The guilt and anger and despair we are feeling is grief. It will take time to process, take one day at a time.
In the meantime, you don’t need to go back to work after the statutory two weeks leave. Speak to your doctor, they’ll understand (phone is OK), tell them your despair, sleep pattern etc - you are depressed. Ask to be signed off work, you should get sick pay, full to half pay depending on the amount of time. My doctor signed me off for the last 5 months, I couldn’t bear dealing with people. If you have a mortgage there will be a life assurance policy. If your partner had a pension, there may be a payout clause. It won’t bring your loved one back but might give you some more time to grieve privately.
I still weep and sometimes I completely dissolve at some point every day and expect to for some time to come. It doesn’t get any better but it will get easier to cope.
Hang on in there and know that lots of people, friends, relatives, colleagues and us are sending you love and hugs.