It cannot be true

Lost mummy December last year. Am in a total utter daze. It just cannot be true of course. 69! So difficult to comprehend how to live. No one understands of course . Anyone else with disbelief?

Hi Epalz

I am sorry to read that you have lost your Mum so recently. Because December is very recent so I am not surprised you feel in such a daze. You may well still be suffering from shock, it can last months and certainly the whole situation may not feel real.

When I lost my Mum I walked around in a complete daze for at least six months. Over two years later and I cannot remember great big chunks of time. One thing that helped me were a couple of Mum’s friends. They understood and because they knew Mum I could talk to them about her. I know I was very lucky in them as they made a big difference to my coming to acceptance of what had happened.

Do please keep coming back here as there are lots of people who do understand. We all muddle through together on here somehow and in a way it is comforting.


I still feel disbelief 14months on from my father passing suddenly. This weekend my husband said that I wasn’t coping well and should get some counselling, but oddly I feel I am coping too well… How am I just carrying on? Doing normal things? It feels wrong. Best of luck.

I can identify with the disbelief, my dad died four weeks ago suddenly and I’m functioning, taking kids to school, putting food on the table etc but I feel like I just cannot comprehend that it’s happened, I can’t feel it at all and it scares me that I’m not grieving as I feel like I should be, he was my all and I don’t understand how I can’t feel it, I can’t touch the fact that he’s gone, it doesn’t feel real. Hugs xxx

Fiona I’m so sorry for you. It sounds very normal to be ‘functioning’ yet not really knowing how, or why grief is not overwhelming you all the time. Our bodies have amazing coping mechanisms. I know I totally dropped out of being a wife and parent for a while… But strangely functioned at work almost robotically. I guess acceptance and belief is only something that gradually arrives… Thry sometimes say the 2nd year is worse… I think I can relate, its almost everything forcing acceptance but I don’t feel ready. My subconscious still thinks he might come back. It’s too much hurt to allow any feelings of acceptance to really develop… I guess it’s ‘normal’. I hope you can take some time out for yourself. I find it gard with young children. But when I do it’s almost the floodgates of grief opening… Take care.


Thank you so much for your comforting words, you have made me feel less alone and that is invaluable, it’s a month today since he died and I just cannot let myself feel it because if it was real I’d be destroyed, I know and accept intellectually what has happened but psychologically I’m a long way off I think xxx

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