It doesn’t get easier

19 months on today & despite the sunny skies not having the best day. Had a memory pop up today on Facebook, which I love seeing, but they’re getting further & further away. It brings it home that you’re not going to make any more. I’m finding that really hard to deal with.
Also dug out a suitcase from under the bed because it was so hot, I knew it had our holiday clothes in from our trip to a tropical paradise in the year he passed away, but it was time. It still had our cricket tickets in that I always like to keep. We never knew he was so poorly then.
Everything is a challenge to try & overcome & it doesn’t get easier with time. But we get through it & on to the next challenge, it’s a tough journey. I’ll always be in love with Derek, he’ll always be my husband, that doesn’t change because they’re not physically here. I’ll love & miss him for the rest of my life.

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Your words have brought me to tears. The little things that made us so happy, the little keepsakes are so much more precious now. I revisited the beach today where I scattered his ashes, a place in the past that we loved to spend hours looking for shells. I could not bear to bring any back home with me today and I doubt I will ever be able to do so again. I sat and cried, stared out to sea, looked at my single footsteps in the sand, went to a cafe and tried to eat and felt so lonely, so alone - I was screaming inside just wanting my husband by my side. The car drive back was long and exhausting but only because of the despair I felt inside.

Like you I will always love my husband and I will always be his wife. That will never change. I wait for the day when I am walking by his side and perhaps the two sets of footprints will return and confirm that we are back together.

Take care.

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Hi, memories came back for me today, one of the girls at work is having a few days in Blackpool. That was the place my late partner and myself went. I sat down at what is not really home, and went through the photos, chuckled at first, then it hits, doesn’t it, no more holidays, no more memories. I can’t see myself ever going back to Blackpool, but granddaughter who is 4 ,doesn’t get to the seaside very often. Maybe I should take her, to walk in Nanies footsteps.

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