It doesn’t get easier

19 months on today & despite the sunny skies not having the best day. Had a memory pop up today on Facebook, which I love seeing, but they’re getting further & further away. It brings it home that you’re not going to make any more. I’m finding that really hard to deal with.
Also dug out a suitcase from under the bed because it was so hot, I knew it had our holiday clothes in from our trip to a tropical paradise in the year he passed away, but it was time. It still had our cricket tickets in that I always like to keep. We never knew he was so poorly then.
Everything is a challenge to try & overcome & it doesn’t get easier with time. But we get through it & on to the next challenge, it’s a tough journey. I’ll always be in love with Derek, he’ll always be my husband, that doesn’t change because they’re not physically here. I’ll love & miss him for the rest of my life.


Your words have brought me to tears. The little things that made us so happy, the little keepsakes are so much more precious now. I revisited the beach today where I scattered his ashes, a place in the past that we loved to spend hours looking for shells. I could not bear to bring any back home with me today and I doubt I will ever be able to do so again. I sat and cried, stared out to sea, looked at my single footsteps in the sand, went to a cafe and tried to eat and felt so lonely, so alone - I was screaming inside just wanting my husband by my side. The car drive back was long and exhausting but only because of the despair I felt inside.

Like you I will always love my husband and I will always be his wife. That will never change. I wait for the day when I am walking by his side and perhaps the two sets of footprints will return and confirm that we are back together.

Take care.


Hi, memories came back for me today, one of the girls at work is having a few days in Blackpool. That was the place my late partner and myself went. I sat down at what is not really home, and went through the photos, chuckled at first, then it hits, doesn’t it, no more holidays, no more memories. I can’t see myself ever going back to Blackpool, but granddaughter who is 4 ,doesn’t get to the seaside very often. Maybe I should take her, to walk in Nanies footsteps.

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