I lost my husband on Christmas Day last year and it will be 9 months tomorrow that he’s been gone.
I didn’t expect him to die, I called for an ambulance Xmas eve because he was in pain and breathless.
He told me not to worry and said to me put that turkey in the oven for tomorrow.
Christmas Day came and I got told it was 50/50 wether he lived or died and I couldn’t go hospital because of covid.
The hospital rang me at 5:30pm Christmas Day and said to come to the hospital as quick as I could because he was dying.I got there too late he had just passed away at 6:10pm. He died of sepsis from the gallbladder because it ruptured and killed of his liver and his heart.
He was only 56 leaving me my son 23 daughter 20 son 18 and daughter 14.
I am thankful I’ve got my kids for support but I was with this man for 27 years.I could have a hundred people round me but I still feel alone.Im angry that everyone have moved on with their lives and I feel forgotten as if they are saying well it’s been 9 months now so I should be ok.When in fact it’s getting worse because I am dreading Christmas coming and I just want to sleep through it.Also I’m really missing him now especially when something breaks I get annoyed because I can’t fix it and I need him to help me.
This is the first time I’ve wrote on a website about my feelings.I lost my dad some years back and although it broke my heart this is so much more painful.
I just feel like I’ve been left by everyone because none of my family text me only my mum.
Four weeks ago I had been drinking and broke down and tried to hang myself but my son stopped me thank god.
All my sisters brothers started texting to see if I was alright and I thought to myself why has it taken this for my family to ask how I am.
But guess what no one other than my mum has text me for weeks now because I’ve been forgotten again.
I don’t know if anybody else feels like this.
Hi I have just lost my husband married for forty one years and luckily like you have my family around me but life has lost its meaning and I’m floundering to make any sense of it all, I’ve read it’s all part of the grief, friends and family say any time night or day if you need anything but they can’t help me cos the only thing I want I can’t have, my husband back, I’d rather be on my own wailing and thinking of him, nobody can help me or say anything to make me feel better, it’s a rough road for all of us, it helps to read that others are feeling the same, that I’m not going crazy please don’t feel you’re alone, we’re all in it together, take care of yourself and lots of hugs x
Hello @Marcol
So sorry for your loss. I loss my Marti 13 january to covid he was 56, we have 3 young adults and we struggle. Xmas is not being celebrated with us, it’s too painful as my Marti was ill a week before xmas, in hospital 30 December, a week latet put on a ventilator but the doctor said he’s turning his ventilator off.
I had one friend who helped me for one week and I haven’t heard anything since, others don’t talk about my Marti. I’ve felt suicidal a lot but i couldn’t bear the thought of my children suffering the loss of another parent. Your children wouldn’t want you to die they’d miss you terribly. I seek help from my GP who referred me to a counsellor she is the only person I can talk about my feelings and she helps me to try and do things in my life that I’m busy, it helps me to have to do something everyday as I can’t sit staring at 4 walls anymore, it makes me tearful and feel really ill. I can’t get away from the grief, how can I/we, but doing something everyday helps me focus on, such as going swimming, walking my puppy, I volunteer at my local Barnardos and I’m meeting new people on Wayup in my local area. It’s really hard work getting up and doing things but this is my life now, I have to carry my grief and make a different life with my Marti in my heart.
Please continue to post on here, thete are so many lovely people who will support you, your not alone.
Sending you a virtual hug.
Amy xx
Hi Amy49,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Marti. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
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- If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Michelle
So sorry to hear. I totally understand. I lost my Wife nearly 2 years ago.She was 59…me 58 at the time. we had been together 40 years. My brother fell out with me THE DAY i brought my Wife home from hospital to die !! She passed 15 days later. We used to be close. I know it may be bad but I really hope he goes through this. People have no idea what the pain is like until they have it. To lose a parent is excruciating… to lose your Wife, lover, soil mate, best friend, rock, etc is a pain no one can ever understand. Take care x
Dear Marcol
I am so sorry that you find yourself on this same dreadful journey. I thought I was close to my sister until my husband died but she hardly calls or contacts me despite living less than a mile from my home. I have drawn the conclusion that she just doesn’t know what to do or say. My husband was killed in a road traffic accident so there is actually nothing anyone can say but it would be good to just have that additional support.
I was with my husband for 42 years (married over 38) so I can relate to your comments regarding feeling alone even when surrounded by others. I have had similar thoughts - like so many of us on this site - as you have but I can see the grief written across the faces of our two (adult) children and for them (and our two baby grandsons) I will continue on. I cannot be the cause of further pain to them.
Please keep posting. We do not have the answers and we all want the impossible but at least we can support each other.
Sheila xxx
Thanks for replying to me.We have four kids together but no grandchildren as of yet but when I do get grandchildren I feel like I’ve been deprived of having the joy to share them with my husband.
Also my biggest hurdle is getting through Christmas as I am already panicking about how I will feel and what will I do.Any advice on how I will get through it without throwing my Christmas tree across the room which is what I did last Xmas day when I heard off hospital it was 50/50 wether he would live or die.
yes I know trying to be occupied/ be busy helps but that is in a not very constructive way: it keeps me distracted for a moment so you won’t feel the pain/it feels less intense. Is there any point in working so hard to numb ourselves? Can anyone tell me by numbing ourselves this way some day we will turn the corner and see the light at the end of the tunnel? Or is it just something that help us to plod through life when the thrills of life has gone?
Dear Marcol
The first grandson was only 9 months when my husband died. We had only just been informed two days before that they were expecting a second child. Another boy he was born in April of this year. Our son wanted to name him after his dad but I said no so he has it as a middle name. So I can fully understand your comments regarding when you have grandchildren. The day the second grandson was born was extremely difficult for me - bittersweet. I was at our son’s house and cried silent tears for my husband’s loss - all he ever wanted to be was a good dad/grandad.
Last Christmas was my first and it was heartbreaking. I went out on Christmas Eve night and found a local ambulance call centre and gave away all my Christmas food. I cannot bear to think of another Christmas without my husband but for the grandson’s have started to shop now with the aim of finishing everything by end of October. I do not want to be circulating in the shops around the festive period. I wish I had the answers for you I really do.
We always had a family tradition of a Christmas meal on 25th and also on 26th so I am thinking of just switching the focus to Boxing Day.
Oh my what a very sad story,I have thought about ending it as well,seemed the only solution to all the pain and grief.I do have dark thoughts all the time thinking it would be best all round if I was gone as well.People soon forget about you ,only the true friends keep in touch.This is just a nightmare we all have to live with.
The thing is that I have realised I don’t have very many friends and it’s saddens me.I did have one friend that was there for me all the time because her husband works abroad but the last few months she has gone abroad spending time with him which is fair enough.
But for some reason I’m resenting her for it and I know I shouldn’t because she has her own family.
I just feel I am in this alone because even my older kids are getting on with there lives, going out etc for meals and seeing their girlfriends and boyfriends.
I am just a lonely 46yr old woman alone with the only excitement of going to the supermarket.
I honestly don’t even know how I am still getting through each day 
Please be strong my lovely friend,I feel the same way,no friends to speak ,children moved away or very busy with their lives.Getting through each day is a bit of a nightmare I know ,try to keep busy if you can as it does help for a little while until the grieving comes flooding back. Michael