Does anyone else find coping with grief is worst at night and in the early morning? You can distract yourself on the day with all the paperwork that needs doing but at night I’m sitting on my own with the TV on and there’s no one there to talk to about what’s on - no one to laugh at the same things moan at the bad things. I can find myself watching anything with the tears rolling down my face and sometimes I don’t even realise I’m crying. It’s so hard to cope without my wonderful Mum and each day that passes makes it harder to bear. I don’t know how I’ll cope without her I miss her so much. Mornings are bad too as for a few seconds when I wake up I almost forget what happened and think that she’s still here. I’m struggling to see how things will ever get better. Anyone have any advice?
I am so sorry to read this, I lost my Mum 9 weeks ago and lived with her, so the house is completely silent, it’s not a home now, just a place to stay, I totally understand the night and morning thing, we have so much more time to think, folk tell me to go out more at night, but you have to go back eventually, I keep waking up, hoping it’s been a nightmare and reality kicks in and I know I have another day to go through the whole thing again, I think it’s company would be the answer for me, but my family have all moved on and don’t like phoning, I don’t think messaging is the answer either, yes it’s good to keep in contact, but just not the same, I am sorry, I am all doom & gloom, but I don’t think things will ever get better, we will just learn to live with it and that scares me, because life is just not the same anymore 
Contact me whenever you want 
You don’t know what comfort I got from your reply. I thought it was just me that felt like that so alone and so silent. Family can only do so much before they drift away to get on with their own lives and that makes it harder when there’s no one there. It is so hard to cope with and I completely understand where we are both at. I know it’s a bit doom and gloom as you said but hopefully things will ease a little in the future.
I’m so so sorry for your loss and I can’t really offer much comfort at the moment but I am here if you want to reach out.
Sending you love and hugs. Be kind to yourself.
I am glad you got a bit of comfort from my reply, they say everyone deals with grief differently, but my Mum’s passing, has definitely not affected my family the same way it has me, I would say, it depends on the relationship and how many times you actually see the person, I was with my Mum for 56 years and my Dad for 36 years, my brother & sister moved out when they were 20, so my bond with my Mum & Dad was way much stronger than theirs, they moved on from my Dad just as quick, I got a double plot for my Dad at Crematorium when he passed away, so when I get the strength, my Mum will be going in beside him, I still miss my Dad, I took that bad as well, but Mum & me had each other, now I am totally on my own
I know how you feel. I lost my Dad nearly 30 years ago and since then it’s always beene and Mum. It was easier to deal with Dad’s passing as there were the two of us to support each other but now, like you, I’m coping on my own. I still talk to Mum, I mean just say good morning and good night and say if I’m going out and hello when I get back - bit I wish she was there to answer me.
I still feel so guilty I wasn’t with her when she passed - I’d been there all day with her when she was unconscious and I needed to rest but I think she waited until I had gone to spare me - at least I hope she did.
Thank you for replying and keep in touch if you need to 
Yes harder because we are on our own, I spray my Mum’s perfume on her cuddle cushion, so cuddle that when I need too, I say morning & night too, miss doing that everyday, I stayed at hospital for nearly 8 nights, so I was with my Mum when she passed, but she wasn’t there, I still spoke to her, but it wasn’t the same, so even although I was with her at the end, it wasn’t what I thought it would be like, she never even made a noise, I just noticed she had stopped breathing
I’ve just had to go to an appointment and when I arrived they asked “oh you’re on your own, that’s unusual. Where’s Mum today?” It was so hard to cope with as I had to explain what happened and ended up breaking down (which happens a lot - I can’t help it). But it makes others feel awkward and it’s difficult to be standing there with people you don’t know very well crying your eyes out. How do I ever cope with that? I’m missing my Mum more and more each day. It doesn’t get any easier at all. I’m so jealous when I see people out and about with their Mums laughing and having a good time. I can’t do that and right now that doesn’t seem fair! I’m really struggling right now and I want to say I’m so glad I discovered this community as you all understand and that is helping. Thank you all
Completely understand the jealousy. I haven’t been out much but when I have it is hard to see other people my age or my children’s age with their Mums and grandmothers. That should be us. I feel like
we’ve been dealt a very unfair hand.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s so hard to deal with. I’m still dealing with mountains of paperwork and it’s so hard to keep a brave face and trying to be strong. On the whole I’ve found the majority of people to be understanding and helpful (except I broke down in the bank this morning because they were so nice to me while I had to pay the bill for my lovely mum’s funeral.) It’s so very hard isn’t it but we have to keep going to make our mums proud and I think they will be proud of us for trying to carry on even though we miss them terribly. Remember be kind to yourself and do what you need to do at your own pace.
Hi Sheena29,
I have no advice whatsoever. I can’t believe others plight and bereavement pain is a pleasant distraction. - Well not pleasant at all, a but distraction all the same. My mum has been gone three months now. I feel worst now then 3 months ago, I wasn’t there for her when she and my family really needed me the most. I feel like such a disappointment to myself and the family and lost friends. It’s not really all my fault, and it’s not a blaming game either. We are all united in grief, this empty lonely feeling just won’t go away. I do on the other hand have many things to look forward to, just the idea of moving forward with mum no longer, feels scary and fearful. I know she is always with me within, and always appears to be smiling. I just miss smiling and laughing with her, she was my first comedian, despite she was going through, she would always come through smiling and laughing for me. All my enthusiasm and zest has gone, it’s what I was built on. My foundation of life has died, starting over with no foundation is a tough thing.
Hi Comfort1. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It is so hard to imagine life without her isn’t it? There are things to do and see that won’t happen now and that is very hard to cope with. But we need to be strong and make our mums proud don’t we? Although that is easier said than done. I hope you’ve got good family and friends to help you through and keep you going. Be kind to yourself and we are all here if you need us
Ahh, Sheena29, you also are a god sent. It really is pleasantly surprising that despite profound loss, the people that enter your life because of it.
Strength and healing for an eternity.
Comfort1 x
Thank you Comfort1. It’s good to know there are kind people like you who do understand what it feels like and what we are going through. Take care of yourself x
I’m sorry for your loss. 
I can distract myself most nights, but only because I do two or three things at the same time. Waking up is always bad. So I think it’s when we stop and remember that it hits us the most. I’m afraid I don’t have any good advice, it’s almost 2 years since I lost my dad, who was my best friend, and I still don’t know how to cope without him. Maybe we will never know, but somehow the days pass. It’s a lonely road to travel and having this forum is at least some kind of comfort.
Hi Ulma. I’m sorry you’re still struggling over the loss of your Dad. It’s so very hard to lose someone who loves us unconditionally and has always got our back. I’ve found it difficult to make decisions now I’m on my own as there’s no one to discuss things with and to give their opinion on things for you
You lose that confidence on yourself I think and begin to doubt the things you do. But we need to carry on for their sakes even though we’ll miss them forever. Be kind to yourself and we are always here if you need to chat x
That’s exactly it Sheena. When you have a close bond you share and discuss everything with them. I long to tell my mum things (not just in my journal) and ask her advice. She has guided me through life for the last 40+ years. I am lost without her.
I know exactly how you feel. You just want to turn round and say “Mum, what do you think about this?”. It’s so difficult to get used to the fact that we’ll never do that again - until of course we do eventually meet again in some way. I hope we do 'cos I’ll have so much to tell her. I bet you will too for your Mum. Stay strong and I’m ready to chat to someone who understands at any time x
My mum died on Thursday and I have had less than 3 hours aleep every night since. I wake up with heart palpitations. I find getting out of bed, trying to read or have a cup of tea better than lying there tossing and turning. I was already having griedf counselling and I luckily had a session booked for Friday already. I have found cold showers and EFT (tapping) helpful as well as juat trying to allow whatever feelings come up to be… Apart from guilt… I am struggling with that.
Fran 885 I am so sorry for your loss. You’ve done the right thing posting on here as there are lots of people who understand exactly what you are going through, especially if it was unexpected. I am struggling with guilt at the moment but I’ve been told that there was nothing else I could have done for my wonderful Mum, I did all I could but I wasn’t with her when she passed and that tears me apart. I think it may be more regret than guilt and some way I have to deal with it.
I’m waiting for bereavement counselling at the moment and I’m hoping it will help because I’m on my own and the loss and isolation is very very difficult to deal with.
Be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to cope. You are stronger than you think you are.