It is 3yrs today since i lost you. I have been an anxious mess over the weekend recalling the awfull moments when they took you away in the ambulance and i never got to say goodbye never realising i would never see you again and all the pain that went with losing you to covid and not being able to see you one last time. I do get on with my life seeing our children and grandchildren but oh so wish you could be here to see them too. I love you with all my heart. Your Jenny. Xx
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@Jen153
It’s two years Jen since I lost my H. I have been an anxious mess for the last three weeks. Is it with the anxiety as apparently it will pass but it doesn’t. I’ve read get busy but I feel paralysed with the anxiety or am that exhausted with it I don’t want to do it. I sit here screaming inside wanting my old life back. How do you cope especially on a day like today. A day that can’t be celebrated just holds so much heartache and pain. Sending a hug x
Dear Nel. I dont know why but this year has been worse than the last 2 i have been upset and crying more than usual it doesnt pass as you say its so hard these anniversarys we want our old lives back but know thats not going to happen the pain of losing our soul mates is dreadful. Sending you a hug. X
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Hi Jen its 3 years also for me since my husband was taken away in an ambulance suffering with covid. If only I had known I would never see him again I would have given him the biggest hug and kiss. Miss him terribly the loneliness is overwheming. 
Hi Marl. Like you if i had known that would be the last time i would see him i would have told him how much i loved him and thanked him for all the good times and happiness he gave me and a big kiss. As you say the loneliness is overwhelming.
Hi Jen I found this anniversary alot worse than the last 2 years. I can just sit and cry some days I miss the life we had together , I miss getting up on a morning and deciding what we are going to do. We were both retired and really enjoying life. We had been together 47 years so I feel totally lost without him x
Hi Marl. I dont know why this anniversary has been worse than the last 2yrs like you i just sit and cry some days life just seems so sad i miss the good times we had . We were both retired enjoyed going out into the countryside and walking a lot. Peter and i had been together 40yrs and married 32yrs. x
Hi Jen its just so hard isnt it . People think 3 years on I should be getting over it and getting on with life but you never get over it and its hard to get on with life on your own. I am so envious when I see couples of our age out and about I really miss going out to a nice country pub for lunch. You take the everyday things for granted and really miss them when you cant do them anymore . We had so many plans for our retirement and got to do none of them.
Hi @Jen153 I’m so sorry that you are feeling so anxious but can totally understand why. Your pain is palpable. During those days of Covid none of us knew what to expect and it must have been so distressing for you when your husband went to hospital and you never got the chance to say goodbye. It’s fourteen months since my husband died and I miss him terribly. I hope that someday things will improve for all of us and we can start to enjoy our lives again. When that will be who knows? Sending a hug your way.x
Hi Loobyloo2. Thank you for your kind words. My thoughts are with you yes we miss them terribly and so want things to improve and enjoy our lives again. I have constantly relived what happened to Peter 3yrs ago over this weekend i think the manner in which he died so quickly and me and our sons being unable to be with him and hold his hand will haunt me for the rest of my days i know people think by now i should be feeling better but i dont sorry if i sound a misery i never used be that kind of a person. Sending you a hug also. x
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Hi @Jen153 you don’t sound like a misery you are missing the person you love. It takes its toll on us and i’ts only to be expected that it will change the way we are now. I doubt we will ever get back to the way we were but in time maybe we will be able to smile and laugh again.X