Earlier this year, we booked trains, hotel and theatre tickets to London, to take our seven year niece for her first ever trip to the capital.
Never in a million years did we think one of us would be dead come August,
As hard as it was, I decided to still go and managed to hold myself together, even having good moments and finding a smile, for three days.
I come home and decided to make scrambled egg for breakfast.
Boom, out of nowhere, I feel that physical pain in my chest, can’t breathe, and the tears start rolling….over scrambled egg, for goodness sake!
Colin always made the best scrambled egg 🥹
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Hi ElsieF, it is the little things that turn us into a sobbing wreck. I’ve just come back from holiday with my daughter and family. It was being back at home on my own again and watching a film one of Doug’s favourites that had me sobbing for hours.
We never tell why or what will reduce us to tears, some small thing just brings it all back, like making breakfast, and we remember what we have lost, the most precious thing in our lives.
Debbie x
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Morning Elsie & Debbie.
Your posts have set me off this morning,
As you both said, anything anytime.
I’m not one for feeling sorry for myself normally, but I was annnoyed yesterday over what I Thot was lack of consideration from son & wife - I’m not annoyed this morning but very disappointed, & a bit teary.
Not having hubby to listen to me rabbiting on , then say that’s just them - let them get on with it.
G. X
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Good morning G.
It’s horrible not having him here just to listen. I totally understand how you are feeling. Like you, I imagine his answer to my ramblings, I always know what he would say, but the silence hurts so much. Much love.
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Ain’t that the truth? - it certainly is the little things that no-one else would see the significance of.
I also think, when I’ve been away with other people, some of the sobbing wretchedness once home, is a release of those pent up emotions that we suppress so as not to make others feel sad.
One moment at a time - that’s all we can do.
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Dear @ElsieF,
My wife loved cooking and she was exceptionally good at it. We have a bookcase filled with nothing but recipe books which I haven’t been able to touch, even 2 years down the line. I rustle up simple food in the kitchen as quickly as possible, as I find the longer I spend there, the more likely I am to break down. The kitchen was her domain. But you’re right, it’s the simple things that can hit us so, so hard.
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Oh, how this all resonates with me. Every single little thing starts me off, yesterday, I was picking some ripe pears from our pear trees and was crying. I still can’t cook all my husband’s favorite dishes, can’t visit the same shops we went to together, can’t watch the same TV programmers, films, listen to songs, etc. They just set me off. He cooked fantastic pizzas in our outdoor firewood oven, his favorite food was pizza, I don’t even have the courage to buy a takeaway pizza now, too heartbreaking for me, how can I eat it without him? I would just end up sobbing.
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It is the same for me. I’ve not watched tv since he died. I eat salads each day as I can’t bear to cook. Our freezer still has his food in it. The washing up liquid, kitchen roll, cleaning products etc are what he bought. I’m surrounded by him, which is comforting, but it breaks me too.
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Oooh @ElsieF how much of what you said is the same with me, my wife died suddenly in February, she was only 50 and loved cooking too. I can cook, but it’s just not the same, my interest in food and cooking has gone. I am not looking forward to 31st August what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. Rachel encouraged us to go meat free on a Monday, but that’s gone out the window and I feel so guilty about that. Thank you for posting x
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It is our 20th anniversary in September. Dreading it.
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Hi . The other day I had been to cemetery to place flowers on my nephews grave . So I felt emotional . Then when I went to get bus back to my house . I got on wrong bus . Eventually I got of that bus and had to get a different one back to my house . But the bus I then got on took me past our first home , the pub we spent our courting days in . Also when first married . And then the food shops that hubby took me to . Until he wasn’t well enough to drive anymore . I’m sure you can imagine the state I was in when I finally got to the house. All of our happy memories came flooding back . From my happy life . Now just exsisting day to day . All xtake carex
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Thanks @AJ333, everything you have said makes so much sense in my upside down world. Just been out walking the dog and it occurred to me that I’m going back to house without Rachel, we were supposed to grow old together. In fact, when we both had our fortunes told in Hong Kong, our special place, she said she’d need to watch her health when she was 75 !!! Such a large part of me is missing, she was a stunner and I was definitely punching way above my weight with her, I was so lucky and miss her so much.
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Awww @Broken2222, I feel, for you. I broke down in my car a couple of weeks ago on the way to a camping trip with some friends. I was already anxious about that trip and the poor RAC man saw how much this broke me. Things are sent to test us I’m sure, but I with the help of some amazing friends, I still made the camping trip. It was so hard without Rachel, but it was another one of those moments we need to push through x
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Hi thank you . Yes this life now is so difficult . I feel like everything is out to get me sometimes . A song on radio ( most songs ) something on tv . Even people at my work when they moaning about there husbands or there life . I just want to scream at them . To love there husband hold them close . Glad you have good friends and managed the camping trip . Nothing is the same now without our partners .xtake carex
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I think there’s a phrase in an old song about little things mean a lot and it’s so true what many have said on here about the little things that set us off.
Doing the shopping and absently picking up something that our partner liked and not realising it for a few moments.
The other day I was in the kitchen looking for out of date foodstuffs and came across the trifle sponges and that set me off as my wife always made a trifle on birthdays etc.
I wept for a bit and then saw the funny (not in a lol way)side of crying over a mere trifle.
They were just out of date but I’did what I suspect many of us do.I picked them up ,started towards the food waste then turned around and put them back.They are still there!
Stephen
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Our daughter reminded me yesterday, dad would look over his glasses, wait till you had stopped for a breather & then defuse the situation with - "can I get back to my programme now? "
G. X
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That made me laugh. I can picture him doing that right now, and I don’t even know him. Thank you for sharing a special memory.
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So true. Always the little things. You can prepare a bit for the big things like anniversaries or birthdays but the little things come out of the blue and knock you for 6.
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