My partner of 32 years passed away on Sunday after suffering terribly with cancer
I woke up this morning to a silent house and started to panic … did not know what to do … is this my life from now on ? I won’t be able to cope
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Hi Roger,
I remember those feelings very well and I think there are lot of others here that will too, whilst that’s probably no consolation to you I am only trying to reassure you that you have people here to turn to when you feel lost and alone.
Try take each moment as it comes, don’t do more than you can. It’s very early days for you and it can be overwhelming when you just don’t know what to do.
Do you have family and friends that can help and be with you for awhile? I hope so.
Sending hugs, Daisyrose 
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Thank you
No family around at moment -too far away
I will just take every hour as it comes
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Hi Roger so sorry for your loss.It is very early days for you so you are probably still in shock. In the early days for me I rang the Samaritans and they were brilliant. Just a thought.Sending you my condolences, and best wishesx
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Thank you so much … today has been so difficult but I’ve managed to find things to keep me busy in this silent empty house
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The silent emptiness is gruelling isn’t it? It’s such a hard to slog to get through times like that.
I’ve only just been able to start to listen to music again but I found audio books filled some of the space for me. They were just a voice with no demands in the background sometimes and they can be free from libraries via an app, just a thought to help you through this toughness.
It’s good that you’re here.
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I agree about audiobooks helping to provide a calm voice when it’s too painful to listen to music. Handy when you can’t sleep cos you can set a timer. It can be reassuring to hear the spoken word as you try to sleep. Also lots of long sleep stories and sleep meditations in YouTube. You can get audiobooks free on line from your library, easy to sign up and worth a try. It does help me a bit.
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Thank you … I am going to try all your suggestions
Woke up this morning and started to panic
But I’m sure if I keep busy I will feel better
Lots of love to you all
Hello Roger. I’m sorry to hear that you felt the panic on waking. If you run out of things to do check back in here if you can, then maybe you won’t feel so alone.
Be gentle with yourself.
In the early days I was waking up with a very strong sense of panic, anger and resentment. A couple of times I really lost my mind and knocked on a neighbours door at 6am. Sadly I’m still learning that support often comes in unlikely places, and sometimes those you thought were wanting to help, just don’t understand. Now if I wake feeling panicky I try and get dressed and do a walk somewhere pretty. It does pass to some extent, but the underlying feeling is still there. I’m supposing this morning panic is quite common, I don’t know but I think it is fear that underlies it and a lack of control because your loved one has gone and it can’t be altered. Somehow I must start to accept the loss. The hardest thing to do and I’m not sure how.
Roger it is so incredibly early for you ’ you will be doing great if you can get out of bed and just be able to look after yourself a bit. It has only been a few days so I imagine you will still be in shock. Take it easy do not expect too much of yourself . For me in the first few weeks the feelings of panic were not easy to deal with but they are part of this great loss you are experiencing. Take carexx
Thank you for all the replies
It so good to hear from others who experience similar feelings
That makes it less frightening and allows me to glimpse a near future where it won’t be so bad
@Roger1, I hope you woke feeling ok today. I know those feelings you have shared and they have reduced for me over the time since T died, which was January 24th this year. He died after a gruelling ride with cancer, too. It was a horrendous time, and he was v brave and calm. I found talking to T really helped me. I still do this. All the time. If you start to panic, talk to your wife - tell her you are wobbling. I have done this with T. I have a silent house, too and fill my time with work (I work part-time) and exercise where I can. I am currently in our place in France, which is helping me hugely. T loved it here and I feel him all around me. I am going skiing today - something I learned from him. It was a gift he gave me that he said would never leave me. He has gone in physical form, the cancer saw to that, but his spirit is here and holding me. Hold tight, Roger - it will be ok. Keep posting here, especially if you feel down. Your Sue Ryder family has got you, Roger - there is always someone around to hear your voice and be there with you.
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