Yes @Rosy6 . There is a difference. Solitude is something we can freely choose and be comfortable with, very few people would want to choose loneliness
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I think you can enjoy solitude when you choose it,to have some time to yourself when youre not usually alone,is a treat.Now I have too much of it and it feels like loneliness.
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Tykey yes solitude is often chosen to find peace and for being reflective. Loneliness is a whole different ball game . It’s hard to deal with but you can feel lonely in a group of people and not just being on your own, Sometimes it’s hard to connect to people especially if you are grieving.
Hi again @Rosy6 . I feel far far far more lonely in a crowd. I still avoid large social gatherings like the plague
Morning Tykey I have never liked large groups but I agree it’s worse since I lost my husband . I usually can’t wait to get home. I am due to go to a school union the end of May but this year I am not going as I can’t deal with it. It’s all about survival isn’t it .
Tody
Rosy
Rosy, do you find that people try to bully you into going to these do’s? It’ll do you good they say. They are taking all their partners, you’ll enjoy it they say. They just don’t get it!!! Then when you decline for your own good reasons, they get insulted and act all hurt? Real friends give you a hug instead, and say come along in the future when you may be able to cope
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Tykey some people are quite forthright when asking you to go out . It really puts you off and you want to stay in all the more. I am finding it very hard at the moment to be sociable . At the moment I feel safer at home but then you get sick of the house and talking to yourself
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People mean well, when they pressure us. But they cannot understand the painful things going on in our heads until they’ve been there! I talk to Penny everyday, probably more than I did when she was here (she would probably agree 
). I never talk to the dogs about her. Well, maybe only 50 times a day. But the despair really does ease, the pain lessens and slowly we start pushing our noses out the other side. The next chapter in our lives really does take shape, purpose reasserts itself, and we start looking back able to smile as we remember the fantastic memories we have. They are permanent.
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Tykey it’s good for you to talk to Penny and your dogs . I think because I have delayed grief people expect me to be fine and that I am doing ok . I think I went into denial as I kept myself very busy rather than face grief . My husband was ill for 4 years and it was a relief when he died from seeing him in pain and so ill. I can’t stand the tv at the moment but I have just put You Tube on and I am playing Bruce Springsteen very loud .
Absolutely agree with that. 3 weeks after my husband died, my brother invited me to my sister’s house as his sons were bringing their small kids down for a visit. It will be great he said why not, do you good to get out. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than making small talk with kids and babies, with a big group of people acting like it was some sort of party. After losing the love of my life to pancreatic cancer in just 6 weeks! They haven’t an absolute clue. When I said I wasn’t in a good place and wouldn’t be there, he got insulted and said well that’s a pity as its an opportunity for everyone to meet up!
I’ve heard from him once since that time and that was before Christmas and he’s told other family members that he’s ‘tried’ with me, but that I don’t want my family. He said ‘oh I just left it before Christmas’. The cruelty of your own family is hard to cope with.
Aside from comparing my grief to when his wife left him, I’m actually quite glad I don’t gave anything to do with him.
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Hi Peg2 people just don’t get it do they . Perhaps you need to have suffered loss to understand how other people feel. When you put a happy face on but don’t feel it it is exhausting and you can’t wait to get home to a safe place . Some people are understanding but with others it’s a different ball game . They can’t cope being around sad people .
Rosy
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Hello, that is so true, pretending that you’re ok, people definitely do not understand what a grieving person is going through, unless they’ve experienced it themselves. People think you’ll be back to normal soon, as far as I can tell, I will suffer the death of my husband for the rest of my life. My life will never be the same. Take care every one God bless
i hate families. goneare the times when family anf friends rallied round and supported each other when someone died. now they dont want to know unless its on their terms. my daughter wasnt interested when hubby died 4 yrs ago (her dad) never asked how i was getting on etc. but every litle thing that she has wrong she expects me to support her and i wont do it any more, on the grounds she blames me for everything. i am not the one who left a good marriage to sleep with everything in trousers the last 3 yrs but according to her i should be there. even been blamed for her health problems, nothing to do with me i never see her
when i have pulled her up on it all i get is “well it been 4yrs now, should be over it” and she blocked me on FB. she has my phonenumber but not a word.
i am over hubby dying insome things but it will never go away after 49 yrs of marriage. i still expect him to walk in the room and ask if i want a tea or come downstairs moaning that something isnt right.
unless soemone has been through this they havent got a clue
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Hi Sue Grief doesn’t always bring people close together . When my mother in law died the head of the family died and the family seemed to go there separate ways for a while. You have had a lot to deal with on top by the sound of it . Sending love xx
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Hi LightMary I think we will grief all our lives but hopefully time will make it easier for us. Take care
Rosy
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I agree Peg, we have to find ways of coping with our grief but unfortunately other people don’t want to cope with it. I was at my sister’s last Christmas, 3 months after my partner died. I’d have been alone otherwise, plus I didn’t want to offend her by not going. The meal was fine but afterwards when everyone started opening their presents I just wanted to die. They were all laughing and joking whilst my heart was breaking all over again. It was truly awful. I think we just have to accept that other people will never understand the loss of a partner/spouse until they’ve walked the path themselves.
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Hi Peg2, 6 weeks for me, dont have any close family which to be honest Im glad about, have enough of the neighbours with their "you look so much better now, see youre putting your washing out now " etc. etc., I actively avoid anyone I know who hasnt been through this nightmare, though a lot of my neighbours are widows, maybe they just didnt have the real love in their marriages, If I live to be 90 Ill never forget this hell, or my Norm. Sadly those who have never experienced this grief just want you to get back to normal, so it makes their lives easier and happier. Thinking of you.
Helen xx
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