I just feel snowed-under with everything. I am running myself ragged with it all. Caring for my daughter is a full time job, with the extra laundry and physical help she needs. Also feel a lot of things have either gone wrong or need annual maintenance. Then there’s all the sadmin stuff which never seems to go smoothly. My husband took care of most things, leaving me to concentrate on caring responsibilities. But even there he did all the heavy lifting, literally.
There’s no answer to any of this. I know l could ask for extra help from Social Services, but I don’t want to make any more changes in our lives until things settle down. I certainly don’t want strangers coming into the house, even if that was available, which it probably isn’t.
Maybe I could leave some of the service contracts, but I am scared something will malfunction if I do that. I couldn’t manage without the stairlift, air con, because she has no temperature control, hot water tank, alarm, and all the other stuff needed.
Not looking for solutions, just need to get it off my chest.
It’s all getting a bit much on top of grief and I feel as if my head will explode sometimes.
So sorry.
We are here to listen/read your feelings.
There is so much to deal with.
Big hug,
Rose xx
Hi @Willow112
I agree with @RoseGarden
You have so much to deal with
Please keep posting on here
We can’t do much but we can listen
Love and hugs
Liz xx
Thank you both. I feel guilty moaning, I love her to bits and I suspect that if I didn’t have to hold it all together for her I would probably just sit and wither. She wakes at 3 or 4 in the morning, no matter what time she goes to bed. I have tried keeping her up later but it makes no difference. She goes to a day centre, school hours, so I have to fit everything in during those times. After getting her up, showered, and dressed she has breakfast and then we wait for the bus. Then we do it all again in reverse when she comes home. It takes a long time on my own. I can’t lift her wheelchair into the boot, and even if I could it is a bit hit and miss whether I can help her in and out of the car. If there is a kerbstone, she can’t negotiate it to help her into the chair. She is more disabled away from home if you know what I mean because home is adapted for her needs.
It was all so much easier when there were two of us.
Sorry for whining, I am just knackered. Xx
It’s understandable you are knackered, grief in itself is mentally and physically tiring without anything in addition and of course in your situation with your daughter having your husband sharing the load and no longer here to do it will deplete any energy you have left. Is there anyone that can help give you a break even for a couple of hours? You may have to look into some extra care as it’s important to look after you because if you get overwhelmed it affects you looking after your daughter. I can understand you not wanting to further unsettle everything but you may have to concede at the very least for your own sanity. For now try and get some rest in-between xx
Hi @Willow112
I agree with everything @LynT has said
You’ve got to look after you or you will be no help to your daughter.
Please accept some help
X x
No apology needed.
Just a thought, you have probably thought of this already.
I promise I am not telling you what to do.
Are there some things that need doing that you could get someone in to do while your daughter is at her centre?
I don’t mean right away but at some stage.
I know I need to get various people in to do some jobs to the house. I know they really need doing but at the moment I can’t face it.
However, some time soon I hope 
Thinking of you.
Love and hugs,
Rose xx
Aww willow no wonder your exhausted i know how i am and I have only myself and a little dog Millie to care for. It must be such a struggle I am sending you a Huge Hug xxx
Thanks everyone. I have booked my daughter in to the local respite centre at the weekend and arranged to have lunch with two different friends, both are widows. I will be able to catch up on sleep as well. I have also taken my son up on his offer to look after her for a couple of hours on Monday so that I can go to the Tai Chi class again.
It’s hard to let go. I think I have resisted because it feels like I am only 9 weeks in and already I am struggling and giving in by asking for help to look after my own daughter. That feels like I am betraying both her and my husband. But your comments made absolute sense. I am not doing her any favours if I get ill and can’t look after her properly. So, thank you. Xx
Hi @Willow112
You are not giving in
You are doing the right thing for you and your daughter.
Love and hugs to you both
Liz x x
@Willow112 If you don’t look after yourself first, you’ll struggle to look after your daughter.
You are doing the right thing to put yourself first for a little while, it doesn’t mean you love her any less 
Good for you Willow you are doing the best for you and your daughter. Hugs Jo xxc