It’s so difficult

My mum passed away in December, I cared for her till she passed. Like everyone I have days that are more difficult than other days and there are times when I feel overwhelmed.
I know for others (my family and friends) life moves on and everyone gets on with their lives but I feel mine has just stopped. I spend most of my week alone at home. I do go for walks but there’s only so many times I can do the same things.
Family don’t contact me anymore and friends very rarely. I have tried keeping in contact with them however it’s always me that made the contact and since I haven’t I don’t hear from them. This has made me angry.
I’ve just read a thread and someone gave advice about making a new life. That’s a very difficult thing to do when deep down all I want to do is stay at home. Anyone ever experienced this? Xx

Hello AS. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. Your mum’s death is very recent and everything is still raw for you. I think it is to early maybe to think about a new life. Your feelings, thoughts and ideas will all change a lot over the coming months. I know how you feel, I found it very difficult to leave the house after my son died last year. So I waited until I felt ready. Just go for walks, go to the shop, take it gently and slowly. I don’t have friends either and I’m not ready to think about how I change that just yet. Keep posting on here, there is always someone who will reply and who understands…xo

Hi @Orchard,

Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry about your son, you never expect to lose your child. My heart goes out to you.

Yes, you’re right everything still is raw and every day brings different challenges at the minute both emotionally and physically.

I’ve never walked so much as I have the last few weeks. I could walk for miles in my own world. Funnily there is no thoughts in my head during a majority of my walking.

I don’t know about you but I think in times like these you do see the people who genuinely care. I think for me I have 100 things running through my head most days of what the future might bring and the fear that it will be lonely. It’s hard having no family.

I do hope that you are as ok as can be xx

Dear AS, my mother also passed away in December having lived with me for nearly twenty years and I feel exactly like you. I also lost my husband of nearly forty years in October of 2017 and retreated from the world after he passed. I have finally decided to do something about it and am seeing a counselor from Cruse and it is really helping me face things. Everyone sees me as coping but I am not inside and just feel as if my head and heart will explode. Talking it through with someone who doesn’t know me or the people I have lost, who is non judgemental and empathetic has proven to be a great relief. I hope that this is a help to you. Take care of yourself.

Hello Quilter, thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your husband and mother.

It’s so hard isn’t it as you can’t describe the way you feel or for me don’t feel others really understand. I have thought about Cruse and read about their support but never picked up the phone.

I feel like waves of real sadness and hurt comes over me and I keep thinking of the day my mum died and how she passed. I could literally shout out with emotional pain inside at times. I don’t understand why all this has happened.

I know it’s early days and I feel like this pain will always be with me however I need a little something to take my mind away from all this for a little while.

Two people over the weekend asked me directly how I was. I answered them honestly and both changed the subject. Why ask if you don’t want to know?!

I hope you’re counselling is beneficial for you and you are ok xx

Dear AS, when my husband passed away it was a shock as it happened so quickly. He was diagnosed at the end of June and died at the end of October and he was only 64. With my mum she was 87 and her passing was good for her as she just stopped but not for me . I found her and had to deal with all that entailed a sudden death as she hadn’t seen the doctor for a long while. Since they have passed I miss them so much and have had a lot to cope with that I have never had to deal with before but I am getting better at it. I take it one day at a time. Talking to Cruse is helping me get passed that memory of finding them dead and trying to get to remembering happier times, hopefully. I know that nothing will change what has happened but am beginning to feel hopefull that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I do hope that you find something or someone to help you come to terms with your loss. Best wishes to you.

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