Nine months after losing my soul mate and reason for living despite being told by family and friends and even my doctor that with time the pain in my heart will ease I couldn’t disagree more. I think after the initial shock of loss the grief I am feeling seems to gather momentum with each day that passes. Every day when I wake from another restless night I feel no optimism for the day ahead only a deepening sadness that my wife is no longer with me. Indeed every night I pray to be taken also because my life is so miserable without my wife, soul mate,best friend and my reason for being alive for the last 47 years. This feeling is getting stronger day by day so I don’t believe time heals it just prolongs the misery.
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Hi every word you said is true . 11 months without my hubby . And it feels worse every day . I feel like he is getting further away from me each day . I have no life now . Dont have a future , don’t want a future without him . He was my life and my whole world . We had been together from us being 16 . He died at 59 . He was all I have known in my adult life . He was my best friend . And still is . I miss and love him more and more each day . And I ask him every night to come and get me . So sorry for your loss . Xtake carex
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Hi more or less exactly the same we were together since I was 14 and she was 12 my wife also died at 59 people just don’t seem to understand how devastated I am. I am so sorry for your loss and trust me when I say I know how you are feeling. God bless
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Hi Kev,
I am sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my husband in April this year, and I feel like I’m getting worse day by day. We were together 34 years, he died aged 53 and I’ve been left widowed at 49.
I feel people don’t understand because they haven’t been in my shoes. I haven’t yet returned to work, they too don’t understand. I still don’t feel ready to return and my work are giving me a hard time and said they thought I’d be feeling much better by now!
I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve been told that time is a healer, I don’t know if it ever will.
You take care.
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Hi , it is so hard and devastating losing your partner , especially when they are all you have known all your life . I have had all the ( firsts) now . Apart from the day my darling hubby died. But after reading posts on this site ,the second year is just as bad if not worse . My hubby fought so hard to stay with me he knew how much I needed him in my life , all we wanted was to grow old together . But cancer still took him . I hate this life now . Everything is so pointless . Got no motivation to do anything . Only do what I really have to. I still can’t sleep sound or for long . I do try and eat something once a day . But find that hard . All we can do is take one day at a time . Even some days it is an hour at a time .and know one day we will be with our partners again .xtake carex
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@Broken2222 your words are so true I am on my own so I cry most of the day but your pain is exactly the same as mine so I feel very close to you. I wish I could get a small job in the future but I am 72 and feel quite useless. Just pray every day that I do not wake up to this empty frightening new world
Jessica
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Hi. It is so hard just surviving every day . I feel your pain . I still work . Part time . Only to pay the bills . I was 60 the other day . So I still have a few years till I retire . Hopefully I’m not here . But all we can do is try and get through each day . Maybe see if there is any voluntary work you could do . It might help to meet other people . Sorry but can’t really think of anything that could help you . But keep posting on here and let your feelings out . There’s always someone that understands . Sending you a big hug . Xtake carex
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Hi Millie
I am so sorry to hear about your loss I for one can truly say that I feel your pain. I don’t understand the lack of compassion from your employers except to say they probably haven’t experienced such pain. I am a little way off retirement but at present have been unfit for work due to mental health problems caused by my grief but I have no interest in work or anything else anyway. It has been a surprise to me how many others on this group are going through similar trauma and I just feel total empathy with anyone experiencing this pain. Xtake care of yourself X
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I agree with you about feeling total empathy with everyone here,. I feel comforted and at ease when I read everyone’s posts and reply back, but in the ‘real’ world I just feel so odd and out of place without my soulmate, it’s just such a weird feeling, I don’t know how to explain it. I feel that everyone looks at me in a funny way, as if I’m from outer space, a different species, as if they know what I’m thinking, agreeing that I am actually now considered an ‘outsider’.
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Couldn’t agree more and the worst part is being pitied by people I considered friends because “they hate to see me unhappy”. How on earth do they expect me to be feeling?. Now I avoid being around people just in case they feel the need to be sad on my account.
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Hi Kev,
Thank you for your kind reply.
I don’t quite understand my employers behaviour, and the couple of conversations with them haven’t been very kind. I have one week left on my current sick note from my GO and I still do not feel able to return to work. I dread having this further discussion with them, they make me feel like I’m taking advantage. I’m thinking now if it would just be better if I resigned.
I’m so sorry to hear you are also struggling.
Please take care x
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Hi . I know exactly what you mean . A few weeks ago I got really paronied . I felt like when I went to shops . ( only place I go ) that everyone knew my husband has died . Like it was tattooed on my forehead . I felt like people were talking about me . I started to fear going out of the house . But then realised it was probably just all in my broken brain . And a part of grieving . There are that many thoughts and emotions now . Sometimes my mind is like a washing machine on spin speed . Xtake carex
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I feel your pain x
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Hi Millie
I don’t know about your GP but mine has been very supportive and has even written to my employer explaining that I am not fit for work and am not likely to be for the foreseeable future. Your boss has no idea of what you are going through and has no right to be trying to bully you into returning. As I have said I don’t believe time is a healer and you need to take care of your own mental health before considering work. Your boss should be ashamed. Please take care x
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Hi Kev,
My GP has been very supportive, but I still dread having a further discussion to say I’m not any better and feel unable to return to work.
The last conversation I had with my boss was a couple of weeks ago, they just told me they’re struggling with the workload because I’m still off, and they don’t understand how I haven’t set myself goals and a date when I expect to return.
I feel the last couple of months I’ve not only been trying to grieve. I’ve also had the added pressure regarding work.
They don’t seem too concerned regarding my mental health and just want me back.
I’m glad to hear your GP has been supportive.
Take care x.
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Hi Millie
Please don’t be uncomfortable about discussing with your GP that your not feeling feeling any better. As I have said I don’t believe time is a healer and people that use this cliché have no understanding of what we are going through. I have given up the position I held because I knew I couldn’t face the people I used to work with telling me they know how I feel or I should move on. You are clearly a lot younger than me and this option you may feel is not for you but as long as your GP is willing to listen to you and provide your boss with fit notes you should take advantage of this. Please don’t be bullied and do take care x
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I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband of 47 years. It doesn’t get better. I think it gets worse. I pray every day to join him.
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Hi . This feeling is awful . I ask hubby every night to come get me . But I’m starting to realise it’s not up to him . I’m sure he wouldn’t leave me feeling like this . So I just take one day at a time . That’s all we can do . Thinking of you xtake carex
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I feel like this too its unbearable. I lost the love of my life 4 months ago and i feel worse now with each day. Crying more often and the awful loneliness. I just want it to end. Work is a struggle and people don’t understand really.
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I know Sharon. I’m sitting here on my own wondering how I’m going to face tomorrow. I dread going to bed now as I get no sleep. You are right, no one understands the awful pain. Take care. X
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