It should have been me that died not you my darling. I’m struggling babe, I really don’t want to carry on without you. I have done just over ten months and I’m trying so hard for you and our pets. I love you and them so much. But I feel trapped in this living hell of pain. You would have coped better than me. I feel like I’m not good enough and that I’m just a waste of time and space. We were supposed to grow old together. I thought we had so much longer. I miss you so very much every second of every day. I’m empty without you and so lost.
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That is exactly how I feel my husband would of been able to live a life without me . I have no life that I want just lonely heartbreaking years ahead . I just want to be with him x take care x
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You are good enough Casey. More than good enough. It’s a dreadful pain to bear but we have no choice other than to bear it.
You are not a waste of time and space and Pauline would hate to think of you feeling like that. She loved you as you loved her.
Now we have to try to love ourselves like they loved us, however hard that may be.
I hope you feel slightly better soon Casey. I understand your pain totally.
Losing them is like losing a part of us. It’s a pain I never thought would have been so bad.
I know you do, but think of your pets. They need you.
Take care.
Big hugs
Janey xx
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Hi, I understand how difficult it is I’m as all the people on this site trying to cope without my best friend husband and love if my life. I also have pets and I know how hard it is to look after them. I have ducks chickens dogs cats tortoise fish budgie and a garden that I have neglected since he left me. Don’t think that your wife would of coped better because I was always the strong one and I’m not coping very well. It’s as if he took the batteries from me when he left and it’s only my pets that get me up in the morning. It’s been hard especially when my ducks died and I felt everyone was leaving me. Your wife would want you to look after your animals just as my husband would have for me. I do get down but just remember how happy you all were. I talk to our babies and it’s as if they know. It’s tough but YOU can do it. We will help. When things get tough keep going. 
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I feel exactly the same as you, I feel like I died that day too, we were only starting a new chapter of our lives and had so much to look forward to.
I hate my life now without my soulmate, if it wasn’t for my 2 greyhounds I wouldn’t get up in the mornings.
I miss my gorgeous man so very much, 99 days gone and it hurts so much.
I know my darling would have coped so much better than me and I know he would want me to be strong but I can’t live a happy life without Pete.
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Dear Casey I came across this quote recently…" when we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions or cures have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand". I have read many of your posts and been struck by the kindness, warmth and compassion in your responses to people on this forum. You have done this despite your own pain and daily struggle. I hope that you take some small comfort in the warm and tender hands being extended to you. All my good wishes to you.
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That’s beautiful Eileen 
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Ellen
I so agree with you. Casey is a beautiful person and does not have the confidence in herself that she gives to everyone else.
It is so so hard but we have no choice. so we help each other through the darkness.
Keep on going Casey. We have no choice.
Xxxxxx
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Thankyou all for your kind responses to me. I am feeling those warm tender hands being extended and it is comforting to know that there are people who care and understand our pain. Ellen3 that quote really is beautiful. Thankyou all so much for being there. I would be even more lost without this forum. Sending you all love and hugs x
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Exactly the same as me,my Beautiful Lucy would have coped better than me,it should have been me.
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Hi Bristles, I have had a terrible week and read your comments on being left behind to cope. I’ve really struggled today and cried and cried for my husband to come and swap with me. The roof blew off my garden room last night. Not when the worst of the storms hit and it’s been the worst year of my life. I know he would have been lost with most things but trying to cope alone after being a couple like you and your wife we didn’t need anyone. Where do we go from here.
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@Bristles hi bristles I wouldn’t want my pauline to be going through the pain and heartbreak we are all going through on here either. When I said it should have been me it was because I feel so worthless and useless and like I’m not good enough to even take care of our pets even though I am taking care of them. I suffer with depression as well as other mental health issues. Pauline and I were also always together didn’t have friends. Just eachother and our pets. That was all we needed like many on here. Like many on here I feel like I died the same day she did, I’m still here as we promised eachother years ago that who ever went first the other one would keep going and take care of our pets and I will keep my promise. Even though it hurts like hell and the feeling empty and lost doesn’t go away and the pain and the longing for them and missing them is always there. But so is the love we shared my heart is full of love for her and her love that she gave me I hold close In my heart and I carry it and her with me In all I do and that gives me a little comfort. I know one day we will all be reunited with our lost loves.
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Yes it should have been me. ! My husband was kinder more generous and always saw the good in people. He was never ill until a most aggressive cancer took him within a month In 2020 5 days after his 65 birthday and 41 year of the most wonderful marriage
He was by far better than me in every way and we all miss him so very much. 
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