It still hurts so much after 8 months

I feel that others think the bereavement is over after a few months. I didn’t think I was a crier but oh how wrong I was. Every day at some point in the day I have to cry. The mornings are worst.
I feel the need to be with people who are in the same position who would probably understand how lost and alone I feel. What is so awful is that lack of that special person who you can talk to about everything. Now things will open up again after the pandemic I think it will be worse for some of us. Seeing those lucky couples arm in arm I am envious.


@Bobmajor hi I am so very sorry for your loss I lost my soulmate pauline on the 14th April we had almost 21 years together life is so empty and lonely without her she was my everything so I can relate to how you are feeling I have cried more in the last 3months than I ever have in my whole life I hope you have support around you and yeah its hard seeing other couples knowing we can’t do that with our loved ones I’m often around if you ever want to talk you will find support here stay safe take care

Dear Bobmajor

It is certainly a struggle. I am sorry that you too are on this awful journey.

When I see couples I just wonder why we were not allowed to have our time together. To have our retirement, to fulfill some or most of our plans. Like yourself I get up and cry at the dawning of yet another day without the person I love and continue to cry sporadically throughout the day.

I understand your comments about how others view bereavement. They cannot comprehend the pain that heartbreak brings.

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Hi Bobmajor,
Reading your post breaks me…
I’m only four weeks in on losing my wife of thirty years.
I’m 50, she passed at 52 she would have been 53 on 10th July.
It was a lifetime together, Four adult kids giving us seven gorgeous grandkids…my reasons for being here now.
And to think I’m only just at the beginning of this journey when I read a post like yours…Ahh… I physically cramp up, how can this pain carry on…no what I mean is how can I carry on with this pain…for that long, I keep praying tomorrow will be better…Ha.!
Who am I kidding, omg.
I feel your pain Bobmajor…

Thank you for bothering to reply Foggy. I feel I it helps just to know someone has read my message. My family all live far away from here and I don’t want to lean on them all the time as they have busy lives.
There must be light at the end of the tunnel. I do hope to make new friends and connections eventually. Thanks Tricia

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Hey Bobmajor,
Don’t have to thank me for replying, I love reading posts on here,… and don’t always comment unless relevant.
I am new on here, but already feel this site helps me, with people in the same position as me…! That feel the same, Are going through it the same,don’t just clock off at five, finish on a Friday…forget about it, lead their “normal” lives until Monday when they pretend to feel what your going through, but only what the coarse has tought them…! Omg I sound cynical… I don’t mean too… sorry,

Thanks for being on this site Tricia

Sparky aka Foggy :wink:

Hi to all. New member here. I just lost my mom almost 3 weeks ago. But almost 12 years ago I lost my husband of over 26 years. I really just wanted to say to you it DOES get better. There’s a long road to walk, but it can be done. You can re build your life.
It’s my dad I’m worried about atm. Hope I can be of some support to anyone on here. Love and strength to you all.


Hello @Dol
So sorry for your loss and the pain you and your dad are going through.
I loss my Marti of 27 years 6 months ago, we were so in love and inseperable. Now I’m lost without him, j cant see my life getting better as he was my life. I’m trying hard to rebuild a new life for me but I don’t like it, it feels uncomfortable andvuts not with him, he’s all I wanted and I still want him. I’m tired of trying. I see a counsellor, go walks, volunteer in a shop, draw, its not helping me. I dont know how to cope.
Take care
Amy x


I can relate to everything you said. @Bobmajor It’s been 8 months since my sudden loss too. Life just hasn’t been the same and it can be torture at times. I wish I could have done more, learning to live with such a huge burden of regrets saddens me.

Sending you a hug. Xxx


Thank you @Amy for your kind words. You sound like me and my Ceri. We were together for almost 35 years and married for over 26 of those years. We were practically joined at the hip and when he died a part of me went with him.
Twelve years on things are better. I do have a life - albeit not the one I would have had if he was here. It does take time though to forge a new exsistence, but it can be done. You always miss them, but incorporate the loss into the rest of your life.

Hi Dol,
Thank you for your words of positivity.
They are much needed for myself and others I’m sure.

Hi @Foggy I want to help in any way I can. This is the hardest thing a human being can do. But it is possible to survive.
Hope and strength to you

I’ve been reading all these posts and feel I do feel better knowing there are people who actually understand my pain. And it’s a very special pain that’s indescribable. It’s a club no one wants to join. But here we are somehow getting through each day. I need to keep occupied. It helps keep my mind off my misery for a while. But at the end of the day when I enter my house and the realization hits me that he’s not there causes the flood of tears. I am so grateful I’m 75 years old, so I don’t have much longer to go.

I took my 86 year old mother to the shops yesterday and in conversation my mother reflected on the age of her own mother when she died and just suddenly said ‘I do not want to live to 90’. My dad died in 2010. They were married 54 years. I already feel guilty that I did not fully understand her loss when my dad died until I lost my own husband last year. He was only 60. I certainly do not want years ahead without him.