3 weeks ago… my whole world came crashing down. My husband to be was taken in a car accident.
I’ve been busy planning the funeral which was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, all the while his mother kept being quite rude, & not really asking to have input but rather demanding. I kept calm the entire time and allowed her to have certain things. as his partner, its my responsibility to take care of things but its like she doesnt want me to and she wants that control.
She barely saw us over the years. But now he is gone, she has made me feel as though i was nothing to him. We share a child together & we’ve been together 13years. If he could see what shes doing he will tell her a thing or two… shes texted a few times which i have ignored as i need my time but shes so cruel and the disrespect that has been shown to my partner, me and our child is disgraceful.
Ive not responded an told her what i think and have remained clam, respectful and understanding but am i actually doing the right thing… being kind while im pretty much being treated like crap. We were close intil this.
3 weeks later… I’ve seen how the family you believe you had, still haven’t come to see you… his family. That hurts… she boasts about all the visitors and flowers, while I sit alone with our small child.
Im so numb. I barely cry, only here and there when our child isn’t watching. I miss him so much. I dont know if i can accept this. I still wait for him to come home. I dont know what to do anymore. Ive lost both of my parents but this is by far the worse, the love of my life, my soulmate is gone… this is just devastating
I am so sorry. I lost my wonderful partner Deb three weeks ago tomorrow, so I may have some sense of where you are.
Like you, there are family challenges but I’ll get through them for Deb’s sake, as you will in memory of, and to respect your late partner.
We are both at the same stage here. If you want to reach out and ‘shout’, to ask why, etc, then feel free. I don’t have any answers but I know where you are emotionally.
IWalk, I am so sorry that your partner died suddenly in an accident. In the blink of an eye, our world changes forever. It is horrible, isn’t it? You are going to be numb for a while. A long while. It is normal. Not crying is normal too. I haven’t cried but once in 6 weeks. Robots don’t cry and I am now a robot, and a clumsy one at that.
I live hour by hour and I suggest you do so as well. Feed and care for your child, yourself, the pets, pay the bills. I live by my Rule of 5s. I make a list each day of 5 things I must do, get them done and check them off. It shows me that I am getting things done.
His mom is mourning her child. She was burying her baby. Let her sharpness slide over you.
None of us can believe that our spouse or partner is really gone. Gone forever is too hard to take. When I think of it, my insides turn and the blood rushes from my face, as if I am fainting. So I live hour by hour. The future will come and I will experience it all first hand so I refuse to grieve it now. It’s enough grieving my husband and my life.
Hug, talk freely here. So many wonderful people and they will help if they can.
I was with my partner for nearly 40 years. We had been friends from 11 years old. So 50 years. His mum always resented me and I was never good enough. His Dad was lovely. When it came to the funeral I asked her to think about what was important to her and was there a piece of music or reading she would like. She wanted a wicker casket. She liked a piece of music I had already chosen. I wrote the eulogy and wrote about his birth and early childhood. She can and will always be difficult. She lost her child, he was 61, but still her child. Even though she wasn’t great when he was alive. I had what I wanted in his send off. I accomodated her and the family are at peace. I agreed to things that I was happy with, I was lucky, she didn’t request anything that would upset me. It is an awful time and you also have a young child. Hugs to you
Mbg - I included my husband’s little sister in all the funeral decisions, from flowers, to cards, to prayers, to casket and she chose the singer. He was her only sibling. She lost someone she loved her whole life and the last of her family. My heart aches for her too.
His friend chose the music, his other friend chose his attire. Friends put a cigarette and a guitar pick in his pocket (I didn’t like the cigarette, but they were his friends and loved him too).
Sometimes in our own grief, we forget that other people lost a friend, a child, a sibling, a parent, and we have to make room in our heart for them all.
I am not ready to part with his ashes yet and have told them, that will be in my time, when I am ready. We lost one of our dogs last year. She was his favourite. He was broken hearted when she passed. We put her lead in his casket. Photographs of our beautiful grandson and lots of love and tears. Our youngest son chose his clothes. The music was a collaboration. Van Morrison, Have I Told you Lately That I Love You and Glen Campbell, Witchita Lineman. Then as we left we played another Van Morrison Into the Mystic. I have not listened to any music since his funeral.
