Haven’t posted here for a long time. Thought life was moving on but this year it’s gotten bad again. But I feel less able than earlier after her death to express anything. I can barely cry anymore, don’t want to talk about it. Trying to have a life, sort myself out but feel constantly pulled back into grief. Feel very alone and trapped in this loss, tormented by memories of her last illness. Exhausted. Can’t go on like this.
3 Likes
Hi Treehugger
I can relate to your situation, it’s 3 years since my wife passed. That thing about being pulled back into grief is exactly right. I never know when or how long the episodes will last. I put another post up about loneliness and it seemed to be like that for others. Sometimes wake up in middle of night, lean over to hold her hand and then , no hand to hold. I think we can only help by sharing what we feel. I sometimes go days where I feel like am coping then at others not at all. People say it gets a bit better with time passing but all I can say is I am getting used to living like this but certainly don’t feel better . So sorry for your loss. Keep talking and putting one foot in front of the other, only advice I can give.
Malc
3 Likes
Hi Malc,
Thanks so much for posting back. I was very lost that night I wrote it, as with so many nights. It’s very hard to make sense of losing someone so close, makes no sense really at all to our minds and bodies. I’m so sorry you lost your wife. Hope it doesn’t sound patronising but I cried when I read your post. Just the way you describe reaching for her. Bless you. I’ll try posting my feelings a bit more on here - it’s been good to connect. Look after yourself.
2 Likes
Hi, I am sorry I haven’t replied till now. Yesterday was/would have been her birthday and my emotions the last week have been all over the place. Don’t be ashamed to cry, the one thing we all have in common on here is loss and I have found good support from people and admin on this site, much more than from the authorities including the NHS. I think the thing is we all support each other so if I can help, feel free to let me know
1 Like
Happy birthday to your wife Malc. I hope you’re ok, as ok as possible, it’s very hard every year isn’t it. It was my Mum’s birthday on Sunday so I’ve been in a bit of a state too, trying to be functional but a knot of tears always in my chest. I do find it hard to cry these days so thank you again for replying as it gave me a chance to let the tears out.
1 Like
Thank you for replying also. Our birthdays and wedding anniversary all fall within a few weeks of each other so it is hard yes. Somehow we have to try and hold on to the good things about the person we lost, my wife loved flowers so I buy some that she liked best, but as you say, remembering brings tears, but it helps to think I am doing it for her.
1 Like
Happy anniversary too Malc. I wrote my Mum a birthday card this year - she loved elephants so I got her one with an elephant on it. Haven’t done that since the year she died but it felt good, a bit warmer than not doing it. I’m experimenting a bit with ways to hold onto things/ remember things and haven’t settled on anything yet, things seem to come and go. Like you say, it just feels important to keep doing things for the person, somehow it does help slightly.
1 Like