It's coming up a year for my mam's memory

I lost my mam on the 8th sep last year.
I’ve just got married and I’m in Wales on my honeymoon and my mam’s memory is coming up on Tuesday and I feel so strange. I just feel numb. I feel so angry and annoyed about my so called family. I want to tell them exactly how I feel about them. Since my mams death I had nothing from them. My so called brother does my head in. He never went to mam’s funeral, he has never been there for me since mam. I told him I was getting married and I got nothing from him. I want to de-friend him on Facebook but then I think maybe one day I will need him. My mam told me a few things to watch out for and I never believed her… My god was she right.
My little old mam (that’s what I used to call her) she wasn’t old she was only 66 when she went to sleep. But I used to get a funny respond from her when I used to call her that. I miss her so much. I know she is in a better place as she is no longer in pain. My god she went through so much. I wish I could hug her, talk to her and that hurts knowing I can’t. I just really miss her

Hello, I am so sorry that you lost your mum at the age of 66, and that she was in so much pain before she died. It is also very sad to read you have not had your family help you during this awful time. Congratulations on getting married, even if it is very sad that your mum wasn’t here for it, and I hope you’re able to enjoy the honeymoon as best as you can given the difficult day you will have tomorrow.

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Thank you. It’s been a hard day today. A few tears but it’s to be expected, as my partner says. We have found the smallest cutest church. We are going to go there tomorrow and light a candle for my little old mam. This is so hard. Harder than I ever thought but I will get there, knowing my mam is at rest and with my grandparents.

It seems like you have an understanding partner, that is great, and hopefully tomorrow the ceremony that you will both do for your mum will bring you some comfort. Do let us know how you get on if you are able to.

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So we went and it was closed but it was really nice still. I had few tears. I looked out at sea and had a good talk to me little old mam again more tears but I left feeling alittle better. I miss her so much it hurts. I’m off my meditation but I’m not sure if I should go back on them. I just feel so sad. I’m so confused :disappointed:

It’s so nice to read that you still had a decent time and were able to feel better, but it is sad to read that you haven’t felt great since coming back. I think that happens quite often, when we come back to our “normal” life which isn’t so normal anymore because that person isn’t there now.

Do you mean that you’re off your medication? If so, would you feel upset going back on them? Have they helped before? I don’t like taking medications, but started on Prozac again a few weeks ago after my doctor said she really thinks I need to go back on them, and have been using Diazepam more often than I want to, but sometimes we just have to take some medications to help us get through, so if you think you would benefit my going on medications again then it might be a good idea to speak to your doctor.

I’ve been on anxiety medication for many years. I had to change them as the doctor thought I was suffering more with depression of late, however I was getting lots of side effects. I came off them less than a month ago but I just feel so sad. I just want to move on, a new me. I know my mam is in a better place. No more pain but I just can’t believe I will never see her again.
I think I will give myself one more week and if I still feel the same I’m going to make an appointment with the doctor.
There is no weakness in going back on medication. If it helps then it’s worth it. I hope you are feeling alittle better since going back on your medication. Thanks for your support.

You’re absolutely correct that there is no weakness in going back on medication, I just like to avoid them if possible because I don’t like the side effects, but sometimes we just have to take them. I don’t really know if Prozac helps, but it doesn’t really make me feel any worse, so maybe it does help a bit, or stops me from getting worse.

You were up late last night, I hope you’re not having difficulty sleeping. Are you feeling anxious now that your honeymoon is over and you’re back? For me, when I have something to look forward to, I feel a bit better, but when I come back to the normal routine, I feel worse. Hopefully being married and living with your partner will give you some new direction in your life. There is another user here, called @Jade7, she’s like us, has lost a parent and has struggled with anxiety in the past, it might be a good idea to talk to her too, I think this site is useful in that it lets those of us going through similar problems get help from one another.

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