Alan,
I still travel this journey that I wish was untrue
Life doesn’t sparkle it’s lost all of its charm
I wish I could hold you once more in my arms.
Each day and each night I am longing for you
I imagine forever that’s all I can do
As I wake to face a new day
Pain is what greets me it won’t go away.
Sadly it’s four years now and my heart hurts the same
Time will help heal or so they proclaim
I just won’t believe that someday I’ll be fine
I know how I feel, it would just be denying.
Truth is I know tears forever will flow
I’m so tired of hearing it’s time to let go
They haven’t a clue this pain is in my heart
I guess I’ll pretend and wear this tight mask.
I’m so tired and weary, grief is a hard task.
xxxx
Good morning, i don’t really sleep that much. It will be five years this month that my wife died and i still have private moments when i cry, but its not about me, this is for you. I haven’t been in this group very long then a person posted they don’t open the curtains anymore. Well i said i am the opposite i almost never shut mine, i like to see the people outside wishing i could speak to them or just one of them would be nice, but i was honest i leave the curtains open just incase she comes driving up the drive even though i know she won’t. The advice i gave was " small steps, just open them a little bit more each day" and it worked for them, but the kicker came as a complete surprise to me, when they replied that today i fully opened the curtains, well that’s the first time in almost five years I’ve closed mine. At first i felt a bit panicky but i then also felt warm and happy. I took some of my own advice, you see four years, five years it doesn’t matter, it will i found get better but the memories will always stay. Small steps.
r-gardener.
Thank you for your much appreciated response.
Although four years have passed the tears haven’t, some days they are worse. I thought things would get better and the pain and heartache would be less with time. How wrong I was. I miss him more each day.
Sorry for the loss of your dear wife. I hope you are coping well.
Take care. x
I’m so sorry and sad that you’re dealing with this. Believe me, I feel you. I’m going through the exact thing. It was 3 weeks yesterday and I relive that morning over and over and over in my head.
I haven’t been on here for a while. It’s been 3 years since my husband suddenly passed away .yet some days it feels like yesterday. I was 16 when I met him and he was 73 when I lost him. The shock of losing him didn’t really sink in until the funeral and that was when it hit me. Over the last three years there have been times when I’ve found myself crying, it hurts so much. Life has to go on but I wish he was still here to share it with me. I have my children and grandchildren so I am lucky that I have family yet I still feel alone… I have made up my mind that I will move house this year as the memories here have been tainted by the fact that he died at home. I still see him lying on the floor. I know he would be happy for me as it was something we had talked about, but never got round to.
I miss him every day and when I’m dusting I talk to his photo, I swear he’s answering me back sometimes because all of a sudden it will fall over. I heard his voice the other day which is impossible as I know he’s not here and only last night l felt his presence lying next to me. Why am I having these feelings now after all this time. The tears still come and I know I’m still grieving, time is not a healer it’s a pain we have to live with. To the world outside it looks as if we are coping but are we really.
Being able to put into words here our true feelings when we don’t talk to family like this as we are afraid of upsetting them has been vital. As everyone here has gone through or going through the same, we can all find some comfort. If that makes any sense.
So sorry for rambling on but it’s been a while
Take care xxx
These are all true words, coming up for 3yrs , still cannot believe i am still here, although as they say living for other people. The spark for living on this planet has defo gone. Still keep looking for crumbs of joy. I will say 3 years you are now on your own to devise ways to cope. Just know i am still deeply in love with linda, which being with the same person since 14 isnt going to change any time soon. Take care of yourselves.