It's getting harder.

Hi I’m new to the site.
My dad passed away 10 weeks ago. He was only 60. Although he has always been ill with a severe lung disease, he went into hospital with an unrelated illness and he passed away.
At first I was in total shock. It just didn’t feel real and I can barely remember the funeral, it’s all just a haze.
That aside I am torturing myself. The nurses said he went peaceful. But what if he didn’t. What It he suffered. He was alone as it was unexpected so we had to stick to visiting hours. He was alone and he didn’t deserve to be alone. I will never ever be able to get over the fact that he died alone. He kept saying I’m dying just take me home. But the nurses kept saying he should be okay after meds. He wanted to come home, he died alone in hospital and I don’t think I will ever get over that. It’s getting so hard to deal with.

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Hi Lou87,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad passing away - it sounds as though it is really hard to think of him being alone in hospital.

This site is a good place to let all of those feelings out and write openly about how you are feeling. You aren’t alone here, as there are lots of people in this community who will understand some of what you are going through.

While you wait for more replies to your post, you may find it helpful to read and reply to some posts from others who have lost a parent, for example:

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the community, just let me know.

Community Manager

Hello, I’m sorry to hear about your loss, its awful when someone passes away so quickly you don’t get a chance to say goodbye. I lost my partner unexpectedly and I too think about how he died on is own in his flat, without anyone. It scares me to think that he might have suffered. Don’t beat yourself up about not being there or taking him home though, it seems no one knew what would happen, and take solace in the fact he went peacefully, it might be easy to think differently, but that will only make it harder for yourself. Unfortunatly the nurses thought they knew best, I’m sure he knew you loved him, and you would have been there for him if you had known. I wish I had been there for my partner, but I didn’t think he would leave me, which is hard for me to deal with, but at least your father was getting the medical help he needed at the time, it’s a young age to lose a father at, but don’t let it play on your mind that he died alone though, because you were with him in his heart, and I bet he wouldn’t want you feeling this way over what happened as there was little you could have done without knowing what would happen. I know my partner would be mad at me for letting something like not being there when he died get to me, seeing as I didn’t know, remember your father for what he was like when he was at home, and not for not being there for him. I am truly sorry for your loss, its good to get your feelings off your chest by talking about them, I haven’t stopped talking about my partner since I found out,
Please write back, there will be others on here that know the pain your in, not exactly but it’s good to talk,
From Jazcat x

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Hi lou sorry for your loss I lost my dad 6 weeks ago also aged 60 I to feel guilty as my dad died alone at home of a stroke, he had a sickness bug prior but was unrelated. I still have moments of worrying what if I have started grief councelling and they have said it is normal to feel guilt when someone dies, I think it’s especially hard when you weren’t able to be there and don’t no if it was peaceful. I have tried to stop feeling bad as we weren’t there and have to take the medics opinion but then you can never be 100 percent sure they didn’t suffer and you go over all the thinks that are unsaid.
Glad you have joined this community and please let me no if you want to chat take care

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