I’m having such a bad day …I was already feeling really low at the back end of last week, then I had my COVID and flu vaccine yesterday and I just feel rubbish. The days seem endless and the nights are even longer…I’m exhausted and I don’t want to be here. Derek passed away 6 months ago and it’s agony, a miserable life that still feels surreal. I can not describe the depth of my loss or just how much I miss him but I know I don’t have to on here because you get it. Contact with other people feels minimal and I have never felt so alone and so lonely…I used to love the weekends but now they are just 48 hours of unbearable pain and the week days are not much better. I retired from the NHS in August this year after 25 years of service…a totally unexpected and life changing year…and I hate it… sorry to go on but I had to 'tell someone ’ …best wishes to you all…
Also in the NHS for years , I have been off for 2 months since my husband died.
I can totally understand how you feel , the weekends especially Sunday is so hard. Sunday was always our day and can’t even bring myself to walk the dog , which was what we loved to do then a nice meal.
Sending you a hug , I hope you feel the support from this community 
I lost my partner too in April - suddenly. He was very healthy with no medical conditions. I think the exhaustion comes from constant grief and delayed shock. It’s overwhelming and can make you feel physically ill. I genuinely understood how you feel as I’m the same. This new life ( that we didn’t ask for) is proving very tiring and difficult.
Sending love and strength x
So sorry @Jae1604 ; weekends are the worst. You’ve had such a hard year; retirement is a big thing, and I guess you’ve lost all the plans you had together. Totally get how bad that must be. xx
I am also in the NHS, my husband died 6 weeks ago, 5 months after he retired from the NHS, he was only aged 55 and it was very sudden, we also had so many plans. I try to get out at the weekends with family and friends but feel I just go through the motions and feel in a fog like I am not really therr. As soon as I walk through the door at home I am ovrrwhelmed with grief and the utter reality of never having the life we both loved. Sending a hug. Xx
Thank you to you all, for taking the time to reply and for understanding…I knew you would,…it’s all so difficult isn’t it? If I could just sleep more normally then maybe I would feel more able to cope,…if I knew that in one month or six months or two years I would feel more like me, I don’t want to say better, then maybe that would help…but it’s not that cut and dry is it? And I understand that we are all different too. I think when a beloved partner is taken away it seems to be such a life changing event and whilst I knew how much I loved my husband, I did not know, and was not prepared for just how much my life would change and how different I would feel , as a person, when he passed. I am so grateful for finding this forum
If it werent for this group I would honestly think I had gone insane. I am physically and emotionally drained. Brain fog and I don’t know who I am. This grief is the worst pain. It cuts so deep.
Coming home knowing he isn’t here is so hard. I agree I feel in a fog all the time. I hope the community here is helping you as it is me xxx
I am so sorry you lost your husband.
It’s comforting in a way to know that other people are going through the same pain, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My partner died suddenly two weeks ago. Totally unexpected.
That awful feeling of having to make so much effort to get out of the house, hoping that a friend is at home so you can go and see them for a cuppa.
The empty chair that he used to sit on. His clothes that I am finding so hard to part with. His laugh, his smile. And so it goes on …
Hello judypeach and I am sorry for your loss…this site and the many sad stories and experiences that are shared here do help with knowing that feelings and emotions are ‘normal’ and some posts can even put things into perspective…my husband was 77 when he passed away, 18 years older than me and whilst he died too soon he was not as young as some of the tragic lives lost who were taken far too soon. I dig deep every day to do all the normal things that are part of what we call living but I’m on autopilot and just going through the motions mostly for my daughter’s sake. I still feel that part of me died when he did and I still can’t see a happy life ahead of me but I’m only 59 and there may be a few years to go …
Sending you a great big hug