It's ok to never "get over" losing someone

I found this article about losing a parent but I think it can relate to anyone you lose. It really sums up how I feel about losing my Dad. The world doesn’t feel the same and it never will, but he is here with me always. Although I miss him so much and feel very sad that he isn’t here enjoying his life, which he did so well, I can move forward knowing that it’s ok for life to be different as it can still be good.

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JP, you seem to sum up the situation by saying that life is different but it can still be good. It may only be for short times and never permanent but odd bits is better than nothing. We never get over losing our loved ones and have to get use to that fact and the feelings that accompany this loss. Look after yourself and bless you for sharing. Sxxx

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Thank you JP123, that is a very well written article which, as you say, anyone of us can relate to.

'Quite simply, he has left a space that will never be filled; therefore he is, paradoxically, still here because the space is still here, and I can feel it all the time.’

How true those words hit home for me. I have often said that I live with a man who isn’t here. I simply couldn’t not live with him. Now there’s a paradox that only the grieving could possibly begin to understand… Grief has turned me into a very deep thinker.

Once again JP, thank you for sharing. x

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What a wonderful article, definitely gave me another way of thinking about my grief for mum . Thank you and best wishes x

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I dont think of my husband as being "lost" I can accept that he has died, because his physical body is no longer working and here. but to me, well fortunately to my two grown sons, he is not "lost" they have both told me that,, in slightly different wording, that we talk about him, so he is still here. Our eldest son, who btw is not his dads biological son, says that his dad is with him, as he goes about his work, and hobbies etc.
that brought a deal of comfort to me, cos, gosh of course!!! I miss my husbands physicalness, but still feel as though he is with me…
and my mum, who died 50 or so years ago, is still with me, I still feel (and that is so difficult to explain) she is with me, so often,

well it is a good one, imo, that our loved ones are just in the room next door.

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Dear JP

I’m glad you said the things you have about losing a parent.
My Mum passed away 5 years ago and I have not recovered from the loss.
I’ll be grieving forever.
I dream about Mum regularly so I think she is still around somewhere.
After the dream when I awake it feels like I have spent more time with her.
It really does feel like this.
I agree with you about the world not being the same.
I’m glad you say that it’s okay to ‘not get over the loss of a loved one
who has passed’.
I thought it was just me feeling this way.
I often feel like I am alone in a crowd.

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My mum died 50 years ago, and I have always felt her “near” me… words do not describe how it is… that is the nearest I can get…
My mum is always with me, she may not be here , physically, but I believe the physicality is only a small part of our existence… the permanent and true and real person is in this … o.k spiritual level… again, words… so many people can`t cope with the word spiritual, but that is our human language…

Love and again, another word that is totally inadequate to describe is what it is… my mum is here… with me. I have not lost her

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I too dream about my Dad. I actually find this comforting as it does feel like he’s still here for me. Our parents are a part of us and always will be x

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I talk to my Mum daily, morning, evening and night as though she is present.
I haven’t heard her reply whilst I’m awake but she speaks to me
so clearly in my dreams.
My family members do not speak to me that much about Mum.
I don’t know why.
I am closest to my Mum in the entire family and always will be.
It is quite a lonely place where I am because I don’t feel close to anyone else.

I also dream about an aunt or passed away 13 years ago and an uncle (her husband)
who passed away 4 years ago.
I know they have all gone somewhere, I just don’t know exactly where.

One thing I know for certain is that when our loved ones pass away, they
haven’t disappeared, they have moved on somewhere.
They are able to communicate with us in the most unique ways.

Sometimes I think Mum will just appear before me and speak to me.
I’m patiently waiting…

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Thank you for your message.
It’s so comforting to hear when another person talks about their Mum.
Especially that she is nearby or by your side.

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My feelings are so profound with the death of my beloved mum 6 months ago I’m in tears reading this oh how I can relate.Getting the call,not being able to say goodbye and although I grieve for my Dad who I lost 14 years ago I suppose as I was my mums cater and we were together so much it’s very different.I have a wonderful daughter and grandsons but coming back from holiday where I would buy gifts and rush back to tell my mum all about it has really triggered the sadness again.Every day presents new challenges but with this platform and others who are experiencing loss of loved ones we can share our feelings.Thinking if you x

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Im Julie my daughter fell asleep on the 29 th of may this year ,:broken_heart::sob: I’m struggling to be happy, when I do just for a minute when I’m busy doing something I find myself laughing at something and immediately I feel guilty,I eat my dinner I feel guilty, I keep pushing myself everyday to cope by keeping busy and not stopping til I’m tired and then I sleep , I don’t want to accept she has gone forever it hurts too much so I tell myself to snap out of it and imagine she’s ok just on a holiday …I know I have to accept it one day but I don’t know if I’ll ever be strong enough, will I ever ? Or is this the way now ? I’m really missing her now it’s almost 3 mths the longest I’ve not seen her since she was born , no one understands ,so it’s great to join this group as we have all suffered and hopefully I’ll find someone to chat with … Thanks for taking time to read my feelings …

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oh Jules… I can but send you hugs, love and praying for you.

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Thank you …

I feel your sadness I really do my beloved mum passed on 26th January this year people say remember the good times yes you try but not seeing them is so hard.Take time for you so that you can have some reflection share your thoughts via this platform we can chat to each other and offer support.Thinking of you x

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Thank you Jessica, I have a sister called Jessica. My parents let me choose her name , sorry for the loss of your mum , it’s hard to explain how I feel I try like you to remember good times but sadly my daughter was a drug user for the last 15 years of her life ,there were not many good times apart from those as a child ,she struggled with life was in and out of rehab 16 times in all but everytime she slipped back into the old crowd she thought were her friends and started again , I always dreaded that visit from police and sure enough it happened,I’m still having trouble believing it ,even though I have her ashes, I just don’t want it to be true,it’s so painful, I hope you find support too ,none of my friends and family seem to know what to say and change the subject or get upset , neither is helpful, may I ask how your mum passed ? Bless you :pleading_face: xx

My mum had health issues copd and I was her carer she went into hospital and I was told she was deteriorating then she improved and I was. Ring told she hopefully could come home at the end of the week the next morning the dreaded call.I couldn’t say goodbye due to covid rules and I’m lost.Im so sorry for your daughters struggles but you know you did what you could and sadly once that path has been chosen it’s so so hard to get back.Keep with your friends and even if you just talk they’ll listen.x

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Hi all, so sorry to read of all of your losses, its really hard isn’t it to have to try to live with the realization that your never going to see your loved ones again :pensive: I lost my mum in July this year and I miss her so much, Ive cried every day, I still feel lost , guilty she isn’t here, I think because from the diagnosis till she died was only nearly 8 weeks I’m struggling to accept it, I go to the cemetery to refresh the flowers and it’s all so surreal, I don’t think you will ever get over losing them, at the moment i dont want to, i know a part of me died when she passed, i would just so like to feel her presence, know shes ok and that shes found her mum & the rest of her family it would be comforting to know shes not alone, it’s a emotional rollercoaster we are all on , but it does help talking to others on here, I hope we can help each other along the way, I hope your all coping the best way you can, take care keep in touch
Lynn x

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I am sorry for your loss hun. xx I know exactly what you mean the world doesn’t feel the same. I feel when my Dad died so much of me and my love went with him. xx Thank you for sharing this article with us. xx

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Hi lynn so sorry you lost your mum ,I know you must miss her so much ,I worry about how my daughter will cope when I’m not around,we are so close She calls me everyday from tips to cooking & to calm her down in stressful situation’s,I never get tired of it ,I’m sure you did same with your mum ,I hope you have someone around who can comfort you ? The death of my eldest has made me so sad and I feel worse everyday at the moment it’s been almost 4 months now and it’s never been this long I’ve not heard from her or seen her my heart beats so rapidly just thinking about her,I don’t want to ever forget her but I quickly stop at the present time ,the truth ful pain hurts to much ,I just find I can’t even think about her yet I quickly find something to do ,it’s so hard ,I want it all not to be true ,I want her back so much ,:sob::broken_heart:

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