Last couple of days I’m been feeling really down. I feel so tried of feeling this heavy weight thats sitting on my shoulders. Just been missing my soulmate so much I’m having nightmares of the last moments of his life. Im got to have a op at the same hospital he died in and its freaking me out. He should be here watching the football he loved football and motor racing its sad hes missing so much. 
. I need to pull my self together i know that much but its so hard . I put a act on when in company so people think im ok but I’m not.
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Hi Misprint,
It is such a roller-coaster as many others have said.
I thought the same about the football and my partner but so many things we wish they were enjoying too.
Tomorrow is a new day and really hoping you feel a bIt brighter.
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I agree with @Elite - it is such a rollercoaster - so many ups and downs which are so difficult to navigate.
Having an operation is stressful at any time but it sounds like you will have extra stress with all your feeling at the moment and your past experiences.
Be kind to yourself and I hope you get some peaceful sleep tonight xx
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Misprint, your post pulled me because it states it’s ok you’re not ok. You have the clarity to know in your heart it’s ok to feel and express your grief. My husband passed 5 weeks ago and I have been a wreck. It’s the second husband I lose in my lifetime and I have a sense of anger mixed with all the pain. But I am going through a book recommended in my hospice paperwork " It’s ok that You’re not ok" . It is showing me that I can’t pretend for others so they feel better, the pain is deep and it’s ok to be honest with friends and family. Please be kind to yourself and use the little energy you have to make others aware this is about you and you’ll live through it in your own terms and for as long as you have to.
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The rolling waves inside
Without you by my side
Crash against my heart
Thumping for a start
A waterfall gushing down
Bereft & sad more strain
Trying to control my frown
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