It's time I got help

Coping with bereavement
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I’m new here & this is my first post. I’m Matt, 35 from Somerset. Here’s my story

An ex-partner & I lost a baby in 2010. Jacob’s kidney’s didn’t develop properly in the womb which caused him to be stillborn. Jacob’s mum & I were not together at the time. We haven’t spoken since shortly after Jacob’s loss. What hurts the most about losing Jacob is that I have a lifelong history of kidney issues, including a kidney transplant in 2005. I’ve always blamed myself for what happened to Jacob, and sometimes feel guilty over my dad donating me a kidney. The professional help I’ve got has been good but I’ve never felt worthy of it & have skipped sessions and stopped getting help.

Then this year in April one of my best friends passed away suddenly. Debi was such a kind & caring person & I miss her terribly. The same week Debi passed away, my oldest brother was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The news about him is uncertain at best & the last time I saw him, he looked like he’d aged 15 years. Added to that, he’s one of the sharpest people I know and to see him struggle with conversation so much was horrible.

I often feel lost, lonely, guilty and angry for not being able to do more for people. Often I feel unworthy of the help that’s there for me too. I started a new job in care in May and have been encouraged to get help by family, friends and colleagues. This time I hope to make it through. Thank you for reading

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Hello @MattieC86, I am glad you have found our community, but so sorry for the losses that bring you here. I hope you find the community to be a support.

Well done on recognising that you need help - it is a big step to take. I’m not sure from your post whether you have support in place already. We offer free Online Bereavement Counselling which you might want to explore, and you can also ask your GP what is available to you, too.

Take good care,
Seaneen

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I have started bereavement counseling after i lost my dad and mum 4months apart, i find it good to talk to someone who doesn’t know me, i felted guilty because I didn’t cry for my mum like i did for my dad, the counselor told me it’s because i was closer to my dad but didn’t mean i loved my mum any less

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Hi Karen,

I just had my assessment for bereavement counselling. I feel emotional right now but I know it’s worth it. I’m determined to get through it this time as I’ve skipped so much in the past. I hope you’re doing OK today

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Hi Mattie,doing ok thanks, counseling is worth it, i feel lighter afterwards and i sleep better, the pain of grief will get easier,