It's too much

Coping with bereavement
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I am new to this chat space and just need somewhere to put down how I am feeling. This morning I have woke up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed with life.

My story is that 15 months ago we lost our mum to cancer. A 6 week illness which nobody saw coming. Mum was my best friend. We were able to get her home for the last 2 weeks of her life and care for her with amazing support from the hospice team. Dad had been diagnosed with cancer 18 months before and to be honest we were all so focused on Dad that mum losing weight and tiredness was just seen as the strain of her worrying about Dad. When mum died, my sister and I took turns to care for Dad. He was not the easiest. He refused pain relief even though we could see the awful pain he was in, he focused more on alcohol to numb his symptoms. He was not one to express his emotions and would shout at my sister and I if we got upset. We were unable to grieve our mum.

5 months later Dad began to deteriorate. He was admitted to hospital where support was poor, then discharged to an nursing home where end of life care was appalling and eventually we fought to get him into the hospice where those last few days we had amazing care and support. Dad passed away end of May. 3 days before my birthday.

Since then we have had to deal with the house, putting it up for sale and also clearing the house. 50 years of marriage allows alot of items to be sorted. It has been very difficult and very emotional.

On top of that I work full time in a school as a support assistant. Although it is a mainstream school there are a high amount of challenging behaviour even though the children are 4 and 5 years of age. Work pressures are high where I often stay behind at work 1-2 hours passed what I am paid to do.

Last week we had a meeting, after school, where I was told that i had reported an incident incorrectly even though I was told that I needed to report it. I felt all eyes on me and I got upset and left the room.

I just feel like I am constantly working and trying my best and am not getting any support.

This morning I have woke up ill with sore throat and just feel my anxiety heightened.
It has been a tough 2 years and I think it has finely caught up with me. I don’t know what to do.

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I’m very new to the grief, but everyone tells me to take time out, do what you need to do for yourself. My GP told me Friday, i literally need to do nothing! Gave me a fit note for bereavement. It’s a difficult time, be kind to yourself. Xx

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I work in a school. It is so tough as it is very demanding for all sorts of reasons. It all depends on the dynamics, ethos and leadership in a school as to the support provided. Due to the demands of the job and knowing that I wouldn’t manage the stress with my bereavement, my GP has provided a medical note and I am not at work. Each school should have a Mental Health Lead so it is worth speaking with them. Have a honest conversation with the HT ( if you feel that they are understanding) as people should be supporting you.

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Thank you both for your replies. I have since been to the GP and am now off work til the new Year. I have also decided to have some counselling. My manager has been very supportive thankfully.

I have decided that I need to simplify life and try not to make myself so busy (i think I do this to distract me from what has happened). Hopefully I will begin to build myself up and slowly become more used to Mum and Dad not being around anymore.

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