Dear Alston,
Thank you for your very kind and supportive comments. How I wish it had been different.
What Nicki suffered as a child is unimaginable and I fully understand her mistrust of hospitals and doctors. She sounds a very courageous lady. Given her experiences, the fact she died at home will be of some comfort in relative terms, but she died far too young and suddenly and the shock for you is devastating. I am acutely aware of how very much you love and miss her. You had a long and happy marriage but quite rightly were hoping for many more years together.
I naively thought my husband and I would grow old together. Don’t we all? My worst nightmare came true the day he died, as it did for you the day Nicki died. All of us would rewrite history if we could and give up everything we own to have them back. If only, if only.
Take care. Jobar x
Yesterday i recieved my husbands medical notes. A lot of it is unreadable, doctors handwriting is awful. What i could read explained some things but reading that mel was ditressed about being told he might die was awful. He was trying to get out of bed to take himself home, crash button was pressed for quick help. Sedated him . Then later he took his gown off and was gripping on to the bed post crying. Refusing to cooperate with nurses. Wanted to leave and go home. I thought he was calm and comfortable as it was told to me. Its distressing now knowing that he was upset and creating. This wasnt him at all. I hate that hospital and what they did to him. He was recovering and feeling better until they decided to stop all medication. I needed to get the medical notes for my own peace of mind, to know they did everything for him. I now know different and how scared he was. Feel dreadful. X
Dear Bubba
I am so dreadfully sorry. I can only imagine the additional sorrow reading these notes and knowing what your husband was going through will have had on you. It really does only add to what is already a very traumatic time. The fact that you and others have to find out the full extent of the circumstances is really an awful reflection on how those who have lost loved ones are subsequently treat. In the days and weeks after my husband died I got so many different stories from the police but I decided that I could not bear to find out about his final moments on this earth and the momentary horror of him knowing what was inevitably coming towards him. Clearly it plays on my mind in my darkest moments and is just heartbreaking.
I am heartbroken for you too. Please take care.
Hi sheila, it is so crazy what gappenwd but had they told me that he was agitated and felt he was at the end of his tether, i could of vidoe called him and calmed him down. He was never an angry man and would always just go along with doctors for a peaceful life. He had obviously had enough in there and felt he would be better at home. I will never forgive them for letting him suffer alone and sedating him to keeo him quiet. X
Dear Bubba
I am so sorry. I can understand your lack of forgiveness. My husband was a quiet person and had to be really pushed before loosing his temper or getting frustrated so I understand your comments. It should never have been allowed to get to that point and therefore I understand why you cannot forgive. These additional findings only pile more stress on top of us when we are already at our lowest point. Sometimes I feel that humanity has been totally lost.
Take care.
Sheila, its was bad enough losing him but to learn that he was stressed because he wanted to come home and that happened makes it 10 times worse x
Dear Bubba
I did not lose my husband to Covid but have read your and others posts on this forum and am horrified. So many people and their families have been let down and it is hard to comprehend how this was allowed to happen.
I am so so sorry that you have been dealt another blow.
I’m not sure if this will help you . My husband was diagnosed with Mesothelioma and was told he has 12 months but he passed within four weeks .
I was fortunate that I spent the three days with him. He reacted in the same way . He was agitated and just wanted to get out of bed . He kept removing all blankets and clothes from him .
He didn’t look scared and I feel this is normal for someone at the end of their life . I hope this helps you xx
I read in his notes that he was agitatwd and gripping on to bed end. Wouldnt get back in bed and wanted to go home. They jabbed him to calm him down and pressed crash button to get help as he was determined to get home. So awful that he felt like this and we wasnt told. I would have brought him home and nursed him myself had i know. To die like that is sad.
When it was obvious there was something very wrong with my husband, I called an ambulance. He was almost comatose when I did. I let the paramedics in, and by the time we got to the bedroom, we found he had got out of bed, and was wringing his hands and pacing the floor, stark naked. It was horrendous, especially as he clearly wasn’t ‘with it’ and didn’t seem to know who I was or what was going on. Bless him, he would have been devastated had he known what he was doing. It was very hard for me to watch my strong, handsome, normally so on the ball husband in that state. Eventually the paramedics got him onto a stretcher and took him to hospital. Three days later, he died.
That was the worst day of my life and, to be honest, it hasn’t improved much. I have accepted he has gone and I now live for the family, not caring how I feel. All the light has gone from my life without him. He was, and is, my world.
That said, I am forever grateful for the 57 wonderful years we had together, we were so happy, so I try to count my blessings. A few more years with him would have been great though!
Anne so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean, when you say the light has gone out in your life. I feel alone and odd one out. X
Mel had covid. But had all his faculties about him right to the end x