I've Lost 2 Husbands

At the age of 56 I have been widowed twice.
My first husband Paul, died from terminal cancer when we had been married for 6 years and had our son , who was 3. He was a devoted family man. I was able to prepare mentally for his passing, or so i thought. Ensuring our son was happy, safe and loved was my only concern and he was my all and so i survived the heartbreak and lived on. My son has always been my reason and motivation to carry on and he is my absolute world and stability - a mother’s love.
Mark, my beloved who died on 8th December, re-entered my life 20 years ago. We had been school sweethearts but work and life meant we went our separate ways until fate stepped in and brought us together. We were meant to be. He proudly took on the role of step dad and he and I were so happy and content together. He idolised us and lived his life to make me happy and safe - we didn’t want for much because we had each other. I feel blessed and proud that Mark and I had 18 years of blissful marriage - it’s iconic that he had put in our anniversary card that we had at least another 18 years to look forward to together.
I suppose I could sit here and say “why me. Why have I lost 2 of the kindest, gentlest and loving men”?
Instead, I am happy and content that I have their love and strength and memories to see me through this heartbreak and darkness. I’m sure there will be plenty of times when I am angry and sad and broken but I know i will get through from having loved them through my life and I still do - forever :two_hearts:

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This is my 1st comment and after reading alot of other comments I felt that yours was so heart felt and supportive to others, including myself that I had to write something. You sound like an amazing lady. You have such a great outlook on this. I am so happy that both your loves have given you so many amazing memories and strength. You must be such an inspiration to your family. I just wanted to let you know how inspiring you were to me. Thank you.
Anita x

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Thank you so much for your kind words, @Netty68.
We are all here, sadly, for the same reason - because we are in grief and searching for caring support, answers, empathy and understanding.
I felt empowered when I was writing my post and realise that my grief of loosing Mark is pure heartbreak and that in time, with all our love and memories and support from my amazing friends and family, my pain will ease.
Please pm me if I can help you in any way and you would feel comfortable chatting with me. Take care. Yvette x

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Just wanted to say i think you are amazing in your attitude. Its so easy to give up but we cannot as wecare still alive.nothing can change what has happened …it is hard sometimes but not in our hands what happens…the key to it all is acceptance

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Thank you for those wise words. I too was widowed at 55 and then again last year at the age of 72. It feels harder this time ,I think it’s an age thing ,but although there are times I feel sad and angry I don’t shout ‘why me’ but instead tell myself ‘why not me’ as I have been lucky to have had two good men in my life who loved me warts and all. I’m slowly picking up the threads of a new life and making new friends knowing that it’s what they both would want me to do. Keep on going is what my brother would say to me when life felt tough and I felt at times the load was to heavy to carry . That all any of us can do The words of You Never Walk Alone springs to mind when things get tough. Take care x

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Good for you @Markswife. I too feel blessed that I had my darling Richard as my husband for almost 29 years. I wish it had been longer, in that we could have married younger (we were 30) and of course if he had lived in to old age as we anticipate and looked forward to.
It wasn’t to be but I was still the luckiest of women.

Thanks for your positive post.
Hugs xxx

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