I've lost me

Thankyou everyone for your replies x

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Dear Sue,
It is very common from my own experiences and other people I have communicated with on here and from colleagues who have also lost close people. It is even harder for you because you lost two very close people within a short space of time. You lost both of the very people who would have supported you in the loss of the other. It is such a difficult time for you. I understand the feelings of being alone and also the feelings of unreality. I felt the feelings of unreality when I lost my dad 6 years ago but weirdly only truely grieved for him when I lost my mum a couple of months ago. I clicked on your thread because after caring for my mum for awhile and having lost weight through stress of it all. i look in the mirror and I almost don’t recognise me. So I know. My eyes look so different. I also don’t recognise me as although I am the same at the core personality wise parts of me feel changed forever with the loss and I don’t know how to get back to some kind of normal . It feels too far away. I think therapy is a good idea I am on a waiting list after someone on here recommended it.
Its hard but I am confident you can survive it. I believe in you. Just take it slowly you have been through a lot. It will ease with time and it comes in waves. Sometimes grief doesn’t fully materialise till years later which I know to experience and one lady at work told me it took her seven years and it suddenly just overwhelmed her. I myself had a moment today but some people on here were very kind. I also watched a tv show which whlle fiction said something I like to hold onto. The main character was talking about her mothers funeral and said That she found that there was room even on the darkest day to have some joy. So I think that even if it doesn’t happen we need to be open to that joy. Even if its a good memory of the people we loved or a new gentle memory or taking time for a small treat or watching a funny comedy which takes us out of our situation for a moment. We need to take time. I also find walking helps me, I walk by the sea and the sea keeps me sane, somehow. I don’t know what your thing will be buts what you need to look for the thing that keeps you sane or gives you a little joy in the darkness.
Take care
Thinking of you
Meebee

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Hey Margarita1
Having crossed paths on previous threads I just want you to know I am thinking of you too.
Take care
Meebee

Thankyou Meebee ,it helps to know that other people feel the same ,I think loving someone has a high cost doesnt it but it’s the most wonderful thing .Sue x

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Thank you meebee, you are in my thoughts too. Take care

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Hi Sue3im so sorry for what you are going g through. I totally identify with the way you feel. Sometimes I walk for ages then stop abd think how did I get here … then have to walk all the way back. I think you can only find something that helps you just a little bit. I do things in the house then think what does it matter there’s no one here to care whether it’s nice or not. Half of me has gone with my husband that’s for sure … I feel like my co code be aNd my whole reason for getting up has gone. I feel guilty because I don’t want this life.

Both our sons died in the last few years ages 33 a d 36 then sixteen months ago my husband was diagnosed a d died in less than a month … hospital for three weeks a d six days in the hospice. I am still in shock … we went through so much together. When he was dying all he was bothered about was leaving me alone … I told him not to worry it would be alright. But it’s really really not.

I hope you can find a way to get through. Be gentle on yourself … they would want us to wouldnt they. We each have to find our ways of coping. As my son used to say onwards a d upwards mum… wgen he was FYI g I said you can’t die as well as your brother a d he said you will be ok mum you have got dad. Sending you hugs from me a d I’m here any time to talk, from another Sue :butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly:.

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Thankyou Sue for Sharing your story ,the only thing that really makes sense and gives hope is that we choose to let something good come out of our loss and pain . Take care xx

Hi Sue … yes you are right. Hopefully over time this will happen for us all. Hugs from me, Sue :hibiscus:

Dear Pedro
I am thinking of you. You have been through so much heartache. I hope that you have some other people to support you through this in real life. It sounds to me that your family were really thoughtful caring people and that you are carrying their love with you. You are being so brave even if you don’t feel you are and you have been able to give some good advice from your experiences. What a lovely person you are and I am so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you. Take care
Meebee

Hi abd Thankyou for your kind words. Yes I have a best friend who calls me or messages me every single day… she has been a lifesaver for me. Her a d her husband come to stay now abd again … they live around five hours away from me. I have another couple of friends who were friends with my husband d abd me. When he was dying all he was worried about was leaving me alone … they promised him they would make sure I was ok and they really have. My husband was told he had cancer in almost every organ while alone in hospital … when I got there to visit he said it’s bad news there is nothing to be done what about you being in your own without us all. I told him do t worry it will be alright… I think that’s what keeps me going. People have been so kind. It’s hard without my whole family though … sometimes it all feels so futile and hopeless. Other days are a bit better. I think we can all help each other a bit where we can… and this in turn helps us. Thankyou for responding aNd I hope you are doing ok. I am here any time for anyone. Hugs from me, Sue :butterfly:

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Hi and Thankyou for replying to me. I hope you are doing ok as the weather changes. I have been trying to keep busy in the garden …, painting a white wall, trimming shrubs etc, cementing between patio slabs. Anything to keep busy… just waiting for more paint to be delivered. I have a few jobs inside lined up for when the weather is worse outside. I’m not looking forward to long dark days … I just miss them all so much. I miss having my husband here just to do nothing with! It’s not so much going out etc more being home without him that’s so so hard. I am going to try to start knitting etc more … haven’t been able to do stuff like that since my husband died. Five ing it hard to read as well but I’m persisting. I really hope you are doing alright and getting through the days…, sending g you love and strength from me :two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly:

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Dear Sue/Pedro
Am sorry I didn’t reply only just saw both your posts. To be honest haven’t been on the site a lot lately. But I have been thinking of you and how amazing you are. Am glad that you have some caring people in your life because sometimes that is what helps us go on. I know what you mean though about how futile and hopeless it can be at times though. I think you have been amazing to be so motivated to do your garden and I’ll bet your husband is looking down and is so very proud of you. You are a truely amazing lady and an inspiration. It is so hard to lose everyone and to lose your children too. My cousin lost her son when he was young too and I know if it wasn’t for her other son and her sisters, I don’t think she could have got through. And I think what you have been through must have been so very difficult and am so very glad that you have some supportive friends because i have been thinking about you. Its so hard just now to make new contacts and new friends though in real life because of COVID. I too will find the long dark days hard as I wont be able to go for walks by the sea which is the thing that helps me. I do have this little prayer that I say out loud sometimes. “God give me the strength that I do not have to carry on” And I go on. Take care of yourself and when the world opens up again, please do join some local groups whether it be a support group or something that interests you. I think it will be good for you. I know that when the world opens up again I am going to try.
I too am sending you love and hugs.

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Meevee Thankyou so much … sending hugs from me to you :two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts: