Me and my nan have always been close but the last few years I’ve taken on alot more with her. She’s 98 lives at home with just the dog has no carers and still goes upstairs every night to bed. So for the last few months shes needed more help shopping, showering, medication prompting and washing clothes. So my dad has been going every morning and I was going every night even after a 12 hr shift I would pop in, this wasn’t an issue and became my routine. The last few weeks she was getting worse and kept ringing whilst I was in work asking when I was going there. Then 6 weeks ago she stopped going up to bed her legs had swollen and I believe she couldn’t lift them anymore she said she couldn’t be bothered. For 2 weeks she argued she didnt want a bed downstairs until it became obvious to her that she needed it, so a hospital bed had been put in place. She got in that bed on tues night and after lots of im not comfy, my nightie is scrunched up, my bum doesn’t feel right she said she was ok. As I left that night she called me back and told me she loved me my nan wasn’t one for cuddles or telling us she loved us so I believe she knew what was coming. I arrived the next morning to her unresponsive she came to towards the end of that day but not enough so we stayed with her through the night and the next afternoon she passed very quickly and on her own terms. The palliative care person who was there said she had hit the jackpot in her own home, with all her family around after a very long life. We had the funeral yesterday and everyone said it will get better after that. I have cried and felt so lonely everyday since, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to get better. I feel like I have no purpose and I dont know what to do without her. I have a family of my own grown up children and a husband. Im on the sick from work as I feel so bad. Can anyone tell me this will get easier, I’m struggling. I know shes in a better place back with my grampy (he’s been gone 44 years) but I feel so lost without her and miss her so much 
Sorry this was a long one think I needed to write it all down
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Good morning Elsied.
I am sending you my condolences on the passing of your beloved nan. Your nan did marvellously being able to manage all she did on her own at home without very little intervention. She was a very spirited and determined lady.
In regards to your nan’s funeral, what I would say is in my own experience and having spoken to many Marie Curie volunteers, is that it does not simply just get better after the funeral. In a lot of cases, including mine, the grief gets worse, but this is to be expected and only natural.
It is unbelievable what has happened and it is heartbreaking. You spent all of your life with your nan there with you. You loved her and she loved you. The deep grief you are feeling shows how close you were. I know that doesn’t stop you grieving or make it better, but the love you have lives on.
My beautiful mam passed away nearly 10 weeks ago. She was 82 years old. I lived with my mam for 60 and a half years. For the last three years, mam had Alzheimer’s disease. We lived together and cared for each other and I cared for mam with her Alzheimer’s. She was such a loving, lovely, smiling and caring mam. I miss her so much. Life doesn’t isn’t the same anymore. I am on my own in our house for the first time in 60 plus years. I am heartbroken. I cry every day many times. I still cannot believe she has gone.
I still talk to mam all day long. That and pictures and other things bring a small amount of comfort.
Mam was in hospital for nearly 3 weeks and thankfully we got mam home where she belonged and wanted to be. She was under palliative care. We had a hospital bed in the dining room. She was home 9 days and passed away on Saturday the 21st of March at 11.45am. I was with her, as I always am and always was with her. Her hands were freezing so I put them under the duvet and I was sat at the side of my beloved mam stroking her hair and stroking her forehead when she passed away. My world ended there.
It is so tough to try to keep on living your life when your world is torn apart, but I know mam would want me to live my life and carry on as best as i can without my beloved mam , as I feel your your nan would want you to do too.
God bless and I send you all my kindest regards and best wishes Stephen. 
