I lost my wonderful husband to cancer nearly two weeks ago and for the first week I was crying all the time but it’s mostly stopped now. Maybe it’s just the stress of planning a funeral and having to pack up my life but I feel so guilty because I feel like I’m doing better than I should be.
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@Naomi95
So sorry for your loss. Don’t feel guilty. You are on autopilot at the moment, it’s your mind’s way of protecting you.
Like many people on this forum I found it took many weeks to really hit me and for grieving to really begin.
My advice is to get as much done as you can during these early few weeks. When it really hits you the fatigue can be debilitating.
Take care
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I remember that too
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Naomi95, your reaction is completely normal. I get you 100%. I cried the day my husband died, making arrangements with the funeral home, at the funeral, and all during the Mass. Then I stopped.
Am I still grieving after 50 weeks? Yes. It is a long and exhausting path.
Of course, I teared up when my neighbor told me of his wife’s terminal illness and bawled out loud when I couldn’t put air in the car tires.
Like you, my husband had a long term, fatal illness. We knew that the shoe would drop one day and maybe we thought through what we would have to do. Maybe we have been grieving since the diagnosis and prognosis. It is called anticipatory grief; knowing the person you love is going to die of their long term illness. Maybe we were more prepared than should their death have been sudden and unexpected.
Spouses of healthy people aren’t prepared at all for the instant they become widowed through an unexpected event.
I don’t know.
I do know that the first 2 weeks are just a blur. In fact, the first few months are a blur and you won’t remember them.
You are in the zombie zone. Just because you aren’t rolled up in a ball sobbing doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving. You have nothing to feel guilty about. To me, it is a Blessing to not be in a puddle of tears all the time.
I died inside the day of the diagnosis and held in the tears for 3 years. Maybe learned behavior. I don’t know.
But, you are okay. No guilt.
I was once where you are.
I’ll check in to see how you are doing. If you start maniacally cleaning and purging the house. I’ll know you are fine.
In the meantime, pay the bills, eat nutritious food and rest. You are about to have to create a new life and it is a Sh*t Show. And guess what? You will pull through it too.
You are okay.
Much love.
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