It’s nearly 9 months since my husband passed and the pain and loss is horrendous infact sometimes it’s like it just happened. I cry every day wanting him back sometimes I can look at his photos but it’s so painful somedays I feel I can’t get through another day I’ve had Bereavement councilling she was amazing got me to were I am now but I have such a long way to go he was my life, when I go out I feel part of me is missing. It’s been a long journey 2000 he had a burst Aortic Aneurysm odds he’d make it were very low but he made it result he also had to have his left leg below the knee amputated due to blood not getting to the leg. Over the years he’s had triple heart bypass had a tube put in and his main artery clamped because he was prone to aneurysms, sepsis infection the list goes on, the past 2 years in and out of hospital but his strength made him pull through and he always came home everytime except this time, he wasn’t feeling well on the Sunday so I told him we’d go to A&E next day if he wasn’t any better, Monday morning 1st May he wasn’t making sense so rang ambulance he was rushed into hospital and this is when we were told they were going to make him comfortable on the Vascular ward as he only had hours to live the shock and pain was horrific. We found out in A&E after he’d had a full body scan a blood clott had gone into his groin about 5 days ago and stopped the blood flow into the leg which the leg was dying and the doctor in A&E was so cold we were told (they couldn’t amputate his leg because either the leg would kill him or the cancer would)just couldn’t get a grip on what they just said as we knew he had prostate cancer and was due to have Radiotherapy that week as we’d only been at Oncology few days previous and Pat my husband asked if it had spread they said No it’s just in the prostate we were told in A&E it had spread to his bladder bowel and bottom. He was taken to the ward made comfortable in and out of consciousness still had his sense of humour my grandaughter holding his hand crying he looked at her and said " that’s bad form" Pat and I told each other we loved each other he then went unconscious we were with him all day until he passed away 7.15pm that day my heart died with him that day and I’m so empty now miss so very much.
Joining this forum a few day’s ago and reading about your loss which I am so sorry for all your loss and what your going through helps me, it makes me realise I’m not going mad with the motions and how Im feeling as I realise there are such a lot of people out there going through exactly the same as I am it’s horrendous I’m so lost without him everyday is a drag I do try to keep myself busy but it’s so very hard .
Wendy
xxx