Lying awake at 02.10 Tuesday morning 28th Dec cannot stop thinking about my late wife had a really bad panic attack out of the blue really exhausting.DIfficult to see a positive in this situation everything seems so pointless. I am not a selfish person and do not crave attention or look for sympathy but the last two years have been utterly awful I’m feel as if I can’t be bothered anymore and I am losing interest in things that I always enjoyed. Perhaps these feelings are a symptom of grief I don’t know. Thanks for listening.

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Dear Jim4
I’m sorry for your loss, but as you see there are many if us who can’t sleep, I lost my beloved Husband 18 months ago and still finding it difficult. I’m on mild antidepressants and they help with anxiety and the rest. They take the edge off. Take care

Dear margarita 1
Thank you for your reply and I’m sorry for your loss I lost my wife almost 2 years ago on 26th Jan 2020 and this time of year only intensifies all the negative emotions we all experience when in this hellish situation. I’m usually ok but I’ve never experienced a panic attack before not very pleasant. Take care.
Best wishes jc

Hi Jim
Yes grief plays havock with our minds. It can make us feel emotionally and physically drained. Fighting against it doesnt work but acknowledging it is happening because we are grieving can help us work with it and work along side it, because at times it can feel like a madness.
I hope you find some peace.

Dear Jim,

I am so sorry for what you have been through and are still going through. I found the second year worse than the first year without my husband, the first year was all about arranging his funeral, probate, banks, changing names on energy bills etc. etc. that I was in a fog but when the second year came around all I did was cry because I now had the time to realise that he had gone and was never coming back and that realisation nearly killed me. It took me three years to even think about sorting out his belongings and even then it took me another six months to finally give his clothes to a charity. I have still all his records, CD’s, Cassette tapes, books etc. they are in the bookcase and in the record cabinet. If anyone walked into my house and saw all the books on transport, football, music, they would think a man still lived here.

All these items will stay with me until I am carried out of my home and then they will be left for our sons to sort out.

They say time is a great healer, yes it is, but I am now seven years down the line from losing my husband but I still live on a day to day basis. I find my life to be peaceful and now that I am nearly 80 that is what I like. I spend my time recalling memories of the past, when we met in 1964, looking at photo albums and playing our music. Life has never been the same since my husband died because when he died the light went out of me and never came back on.

I have a loving family who I see every so often for an hour or two but they have their own lives to live.

All I can say is do what I do, live day to day and never, ever be afraid of crying or showing emotion. On Christmas day, which I spent with one of our sons and his family, they raised a glass and toasted my husband and we were all in tears so it is not just the husbands/wives that still cry for their partners, it is our children also.

I wish you a very healthy and peaceful new year.


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Hi Sheila
That was a heart felt and moving account of your loss and illustrates jut how much you loved your husband. I suppose recovery is a day to day thing as you say I suppose some people cope better than others.
Take care and my best wishes to you and your family

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Dear Jim, I can relate to all you have said. It is truly the most awful feeling when you lose your loved one and everything seems so pointless on your own. I think it shows how much we loved them but it doesn’t help does it… I haven’t had a proper panic attack but feel very anxious most of the time and after 3 years keep thinking I must start to feel better soon!! My thoughts are with you and you are not alone in how you feel.
Love Jenny

Hi jenny
Thank you for your reply much appreciated.
Love and best wishes jim

Thank you to all who posted talking and sharing experiences of loss it certainly helps to know there are people in a similar position that can relate to each other and share the emotional burden to an great extent.
Regards to all and here’s hoping for a more positive 2022. Jc

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Another really bad panic attack initiated by a totally unrelated problem with my daughters roof of all things.
Since my wife’s passing nearly 2 years ago I am experiencing sporadic panic attacks which are increasing in severity each time which are brought on by the most trivial of situations. I am seriously worried that I am suffering from delayed stress ptsd or something also could cry at the drop of a hat. I think I need to see a doctor ( what’s the chance of that) as there is no one to speak to and I don’t want to put any pressure on my kids. I hate moaning but really quite down nearly 2 years on really pissed off.

Dear Jim4, please don’t delay in contacting your Dr. I too am nearly 2 years into losing my husband to cancer. I too have been in a bad way and now I’m on anti depressants, thankfully the pills are helping. I have always been a positive person but losing him has drained me and I was in a black hole. Now I’m starting to feel a bit better. I will take this for as long as I have to. Plus I’m now going to some counselling. So look after yourself because no one else will do it for you, get the help you need. I wish you well and take care Margarita

Thank you margarita
I am glad you are coping better and I hope I can say the same post doctors visit.
Take care jim

Dear Jim and Margarita,

I am very sorry for what you are going through and have been going through over the past two years but I can honestly tell you, after being without my husband of 47 years for the past seven years, that the second year was the worst for me. The first year went by in a blur of activity, sorting everything out but the second year, when everything was finished I fell apart. Our sons said it was because I had pushed the grief to one side to get all the paperwork sorted and once I had nothing to do it hit me that my husband was no longer here. It took me three years to even give his clothes to a charity and even now, after seven years, I still have all his books, records, CD’s, Videos, Cassette tapes etc. all from the late 1950’s and upwards. I just cannot bear to get rid of them. I have an ottoman full of his personal belongings, our sons took a few items but I have such a lot more. I kept a suit, shirt, underclothes, socks and shoes just in case he came back home again and still cannot bear to give them away. I am nearly 80 years of age and am thinking about sorting everything out and giving it all to a charity, but what use is a bookshelf without books, what use is a record cabinet without records etc.

I know I should clear them out but I have decided to wait until I leave my home (we moved here when we married in 1967) either one way or another and leave it to our sons to sort out, I am taking the cowards way out.

Please take carte.


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Thank you Sheila
Take care Jim x

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Does anyone else who has lost a partner truly dread the onset of the weekend I find it particularly bad despite keeping busy. Grief manifests itself in weird ways. I’m going on an adventure to the fridge to fetch a can of beer. Best wishes to all

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When my husband died seven years ago I used to dread getting out of bed but I had to as we had a German Shepherd dog that needed taking out for a walk. That wonderful dog saved my life as I honestly do not think I would have ever got out of bed again, sadly he died three years after Peter died and it was like losing Peter all over again as our Barney was Peter’s pet, we bought him to keep Peter company when he was ill whilst I got on with my chores.

Weekends are now the same as every other day, there is nothing special about them at all because I do the same thing at the weekend as I do every single day.

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