Joyless

Husband died 15 months ago. I am going through the motions, but cry all the time. Been through therapy( personal and group). The pain is better than it was but returns sometimes with a vengeance. I find the worst is that nothing seems to bring me joy.
Sad-Sad-Sad!!!

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I know exactly how you feel. I have been out with different people and tried to be active and sociable but nothing and nobody can replace her. Or that is how it feels at the moment and this is the lowest time. All I can think of is do not give up. Even if things don’t get better just don’t give up.

Hi Tim-I am trying. The saying " Time heals all wounds", does not seem to be working.
How long were you married and how long is she gone? My prayers are with you.

Hi thanks for replying and asking about me. Cathryn was only 50 when she died (three months ago) and we had been married for 10 beautiful years. When I look at her photos now I can’t believe how lucky I was to have been her husband but as you say the thought of going on without her is so sad and at times feels impossible. It does help just to even write this down and I know that she felt that I should one day find another partner, but I don’t feel you can ever put a time on that. I know how difficult it is - perhaps if you think about how you are today relative to a few weeks after your husband died you can see some positive changes. I can say that I now have friends that I didn’t have before and that I’m doing some things like playing football, that I didn’t do before. But I cry most days for missing her. Someone said to me ‘life is brutal’ and it is. Just don’t let it push you under.

Hi Tim-Being on a chat site is helpful. People that know what you are going through. Do you have children? My children, and grandchildren, are the ones that initially got me through the days after my husband’s death. My long time friends were also helpful. All I can tell you is that life will now become a roller coaster. Days you are better and days you are worse. You sound like a strong person. Write back whenever you want to talk.

Hi, just to say thanks for the chat. I hope you start to have more better days. I really don’t think I’m particularly a strong person - we were a team as I’m sure you were. So much easier to make decisions when there is two of you. That’s what really gets me - I mean how unfair life can be - not so much for us because we are still here but for those whose life gets cut short. I can never forget how Cathryn said ‘I don’t want to die’ in her beautiful clear little voice, after they told us about the cancer. And there was nothing absolutely nothing I could do to save her. And Cathryn had been separate to have children but it was denied her even though she had been pregnant once. It devastates me but makes me angry at the same time - just why? It’s so unfair. Sorry to rant on it helps just to put it down.

I find all the responsibility of every day life alone very, very difficult. Dinner time and weekends the hardest. My children are great-but I do not want to burden them. Friends are there but they have their own lives to live. Yes- you were a team and not you are alone. This is a hard to live with-but we have no choice. You are in the beginning stages of your grief. I have found a wonderful doctor online -but he is in Scotland. He has a series of audio tapes online that helped me immensely. Listen to them -makes the pain a bit better. You are not ranting. When it was three months for me-I was barely functioning.

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