I keep going over and over something I said to dad about an hour before mum died. And I hope if she could hear I didn’t upset or offend her. My mum had terrible anxiety and depression and my dad really was her mental crutch. I always worried what would happen to her if died dad first. How she would ever cope without him. She didn’t drive. She had no friends all due to her severe anxiety. He completely was her safety net. Dad was so upset sitting by mums bed and her death nearing. I said to him quietly “dad she wouldn’t have been able to cope without you”. Meaning it was the right order for her to go first. And now I keep thinking what a terrible thing to say in front of her. She was unconscious but they say hearing is the last sense to go.
Sorry should add i said it to give dad a little peace of mind. And to give him some sort of comfort.
We could go over and over things we said in the run up to our mums dying. Even if there was nothing, we would something to regret.
Your dad needed comforting and the words you used were meant to do just that. If your mum heard them she would know why you said them.
I personally don’t believe that she could hear though. I was told by a nurse to sit with my mum and say this and say that. My mum was in a deep coma and I don’t believe she could hear anything that was going on around her. She used to ask twice whenever she offered a cup of tea! I used to say have a hearing test mum and she would say dont be ridiculous there is nothing wrong with my hearing. Funny enough, she did used to hear ok if I moaned about her whilst up on my room on the other side of the house. Just not 6 feet away in the same room!
Please stop feeling guilty about this jooles x
Thank you Cheryl. I’ve got myself into such a state over it. I think whatever I said I would pick over. My mum I Hope would know it was done out of comfort. She knows me well enough. I don’t have a bad word to say about anyone unless someone seriously annoys me. And she knows that. She knows it would have come from love. I doubt mum could hear or at least understand what was being said. She was on a lot of morphine. The brain shutting down who knows what it conjoures up in our last hours. She might have been having an imaginary conversation with the queen for all I know. Arghhh. Wish I could turn my brain down for a bit.
Lol that made me laugh about your mum. Selective hearing.
My mum had selective everything jooles!
Ha ha bless her. I’m glad you had that humour hold on to that