Not sure where to start…but here we go, I lost my dad 24 wks ado. It was sudden, no illness…he died in an hour after the ambulance arrived in hospital. Failure of the left valve in the heart. I was alone with him.
I’m struggling…big time!
He was the only one who really loved me. My mum’s love is transaction, my sister is selfish and only looks out for herself, my brother estranged.The whole family is more distant and dysfunctional than before.
I am suffering from trauma and PTS. I live at home with the my mum and sister…neither talk to me. I’m isolated and lonely living in my room, like a house share. I’m looking for work, friends say don’t talk to us or burden us…
My mum and sister talk about dad and have each other for support. I don’t. Therapists cost so much. Went to the doctor today and she doesn’t think I’m depressed (I’m not- I am grieving with zero support), she suggested this group and there is not bereavement counselling on the NHS.
Life just sucks…I have not even processed my dad isn’t here anymore then add all the family dynamics and it’s impossible.
I miss him with every fiber of m, he would ask about my day, ask how my interviews went, I could hug him, I have so many memories with him.
Now, it’s empty…funny how people don’t understand how far kindness, support and love can stretch.
My sister has always been resentful I was born, jealous…we had a so, so relationship but she said she would be there for me after dad passed but she only managed 8-12wks max! Now she’s fully bonded with mum, someone she doesn’t normally like.
I told my mum I was struggling she didn’t say much…I told her I feel like an orphan- she said yes.
I just want my dad back and a hug…it’s so stupid. I know he can;t come back but…